Merry First Christmas Baby!

We know that more than likely our child was born this year.  That means that my baby is somewhere in China, having his or her first Christmas.  Luckily he (or she) is young enough that he won't remember having spent today, without the love of his parents.  I am really hoping that it is not void of love though.  I really hope that the Ayis love my baby, and dote on him.  I hope that he is in a good orphanage, where he gets more than enough to eat, and when he is scared or bumps his head, or just needs extra hugs and snuggles, that there is an Ayi there who loves him.  Most orphanages in China, do not celebrate Christmas, from what I understand, so he is most likely not celebrating today, no extra toys or clothes that are just his own.  At his age though, I don't think it bothers him to have to share his clothes...the toys, depending on how old he is, well he might mind a little. 
My hope is that by his next Christmas, he will be home with us, with more gifts under the tree than one can imagine, surrounded by not only a mom and dad that so want him, and love him more than humanly possible, but also surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and more! 

Although it has been a tough week with the adoption paperwork, the thought of seeing his smile on Christmas morning, and seeing this child grow up, it makes me stronger and able to push forward with the paperwork.  (Hopefully later this week, when things calm down from Christmas, I can share what made this week so tough!) 

So until we have you home with us baby, I hope your Christmas and every other holiday is filled with love and laughter.  I wish you hugs and snuggles and someone to rock you to sleep.  I hope you are warm this winter, and I pray for a full belly for you and all of the other children who you live with.  I pray for peace for your birth family, with the difficult decision that they had to make.  And I pray that God leads me to you soon, and that next Christmas we are together!  Merry Christmas Baby!

Dino Lingo Video in Mandarin Chinese

I am at it again.  I just tried out a video on YouTube, in hopes of earning one for free.  I watched the clip that was posted in Chinese, since we will be bringing home our little one from China sometime next year. 

The video was cute, and I think it was fairly well made.  It was entertaining enough that it would hold a child's attention, and educate at the same time.  I watched the Mandarin video, and then the one in Irish, just for fun.

Here is the link to the Chinese video, but if you are interested in any other videos, you can get to the other languages from there too! 

YouTube:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjdI9bp5-Ys&feature=BFa&list=PLlBlltNtETtTjhsO8ERGRcYz5uj8IaLaJ

Company Website:   http://dinolingo.com/languages/chinese.html#.UL0_HYbsLaE



No matter what language you are looking for (because they have quite a few to choose from,) Dino Lingo is an awesome language learning programs for kids!

As always, when I am trying new things for free, I viewed this clip complimentary through Influenster!

It is What It is

That is my new motto.  That is what I tell myself, when things don't go the way they should.  And it is what is keeping me calm right now.  We sent off my birth certificate for all of the crazy stuff that has to happen to it for our dossier...and it came back today with nothing done...with a letter saying we need to send it back to them with the required fee.  The only problem with this, is when I called to ask about where to send it, and if there was a fee, I was told "No."  I also searched the website, and it also stated that there was no fee for this step of the process.  The next step, yes, but this one no.  So, this not only has cost us two weeks, but my birth certificate will "expire" by the time that we send it out and have everything done to it...so why bother.  So I instead thought ahead two weeks ago...in case something like this happened...and ordered a new copy of my birth certificate, and it should be here any day now, and then we can start the crazy process over, and hopefully have it back in time to get everything authenticated by the end of December or beginning of January.

On a positive note, I am excited to say that I think we have figured out where we are going with our infertility.  There is a great new doctor that will be starting at a local fertility clinic.  I am hoping to meet with him, and get his opinion on what he would do if we tried IVF again.  I also will ask him if he would be willing to do a freeze all IVF for us, so that we have embryos to transfer after we are home with our first child.  We also got the notice in the mail that our USCIS paperwork has been received, and we should be getting notice soon about when our fingerprinting appointment is, so although still moving at a snail pace, we are moving forward! 

I Wish Things Were the Way They Used to Be

Yesterday I stopped at a store on my way to a class that I was taking.  As I pulled into the spot, a woman was coming out of the store, and rushing toward her car, which happened to be parked next to the space that I pulled into.  I was about to get out of my car, as she motioned to me to roll down my window.  I thought that she was going to ask me directions, but instead she asked if I knew of any other churches around the area besides the two she mentioned.  I listed off a few churches that I knew about.  She said that she already had gone there.  She then proceeded to tell me a bit of her story.  She has two children who she is fighting to get back from the foster care system.  She got teary eyed as she talked about them, and I could tell that she really loves them.  She mentioned that her hearing to get her kids back was this week, and she lost her job two weeks ago, and her power had been shut off.  She paid the bill to have the power turned back on, but there was a reactivation fee of $50 that she doesn't have...and without it, she can't get her kids back.  She said that she had been going to every church that she could think of, to ask for help.  She listed them all off.  My heart broke for her, but I was leery at the same time.  This woman seemed to have her act together.  She seemed educated, and was not intoxicated or high.  She didn't have the look of a meth head, and generally seemed like a nice person.  She didn't ask me for money, like some of the other beggars that we have in the area.  There are a few that frequent the parking lots near where we live. 

It just got me thinking about how the way that things used to be.  You used to know your neighbors and be able to count on them when a family hit a rough patch.  Communities used to pull together to help each other and really cared.  Nowadays, people don't know their neighbors, and heck...many don't even know their family.  I couldn't tell you the names of my neighbors, and I don't think that I would recognize most of them if I saw them out some where.  If something major happened to one of my neighbors, I don't know if I would even know about it, and if I did, I don't know if I would feel comfortable enough to go offer my help.  Even my church community is so large that people can come and go, and no one would ever even notice.  In fact when my father passed away, no one from my church "family" was there to help.  It really showed how the church is failing.  The same rang true for this woman I ran into.  She tried her church, and was told to fill out a form, and was sent away.  I understand that there has to be a paper trail, and they need to keep track of where the money is going.  However, at the same time, where are people's hearts?  Money is tight for so many, but if this was a different time, I would have invited this woman to my house, and served her a warm cup of tea.  I would have called my friends and family and asked them to pitch in, and raised the $50 that she needed.  I would have also sent her home with some extra things that I had around, because that would be the right thing to do, and I would hope that the same would be done for me, when times were rough.  Instead, I was leery.  I wondered if there really were any children.  I wondered if the money she would get would really go to pay her electric bill.  I had to question if she was telling me the truth, or if the money would be used for drugs and alcohol.  These are things I will never know the answer to, but I couldn't do nothing.  I had to help in some way.  So I pulled $20 out of my wallet, and told her that was all I could spare, and that I hoped that she would be able to get the other $30.  The look of gratitude on this woman's face was priceless. 

As we said our goodbyes, and she drove off, I said a prayer.  I prayed that her getting her children back is the right thing for them.  I prayed that she was able to get the additional $30 that she needed, and that the money was really going towards what she said she needed.  I prayed that if she was pulling my leg, that she would find God, and he would help her recover from her struggles.  I have been saying prayers for this woman since. 

I wish that things were the way they used to be though.  I wish I knew my neighbors.  I wish that my church was like the one I went to as a child...small and everyone cared about each other, everyone mattered!  I wish that I could help others and not have to question if people were being honest.  I really think that I would give more, if I could trust that my money was going where it was supposed to...right to the ones that need it.  There are so many scams, and so many people trying to take advantage of others.  I just wish that being nice and giving to others was still safe.  In this day and age, being nice to someone, can put you in danger.  It just sucks that doing the right thing is just not always safe anymore...and I wish it was!

Remembering

Nine years ago today, my father passed away.  It is hard to believe that it has been nine years.  It seems so long ago, but it seems like yesterday.  I miss my dad everyday, and I don't think that will ever go away.  Sure you find a new normal, and you get used to him not being around...but life would really be different if he was still here with us...and I miss him.

Also, a year ago today, we had our first egg retrieval.  The first of our embryos was created, and we were so excited and hopeful...and here we are a year later, still with no baby.  At least, since we have started the adoption process, we are pretty sure that by this day, next year we will have a little one in our arms.

Bumpy Road

Infertility SUCKS!  It really sucks the life out of a person.  I am not the same person that I was three years ago.  You always hear the saying, "What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger."  I really hope that is the truth and I will come out of this a stronger person.  Last week was really rough.  I finally got a hold of someone at my doctor's office to give us our test results from August...only she didn't have them, or know what they mean.  She said that she would talk to the doctor, and get back to us.  This gave us the impression that some tests that we paid out of pocket for (insurance denied coverage,) were not run, and there was a mistake made.  I was stressed over this all week long, because it appeared that they ran the wrong test, and since we paid out of pocket, it seemed that unless we were able to convince them that this was their mistake, we were probably going to be out a ton of money, with still no answers.  I put off dealing with this though because I was dealing with adoption stuff.

So yeah infertility sucks....but adoption is no picnic either!  I didn't think that it would be an easy process when we started it.  I was prepared for some bumps in the road...but I really thought that the paperwork would be the easy part.  Boy was I wrong!  Hubby and I were both born in a different state than where we currently live.  I ordered our birth certificates early on in the process, to make sure that I gave it plenty of time to get to us.  Turns out that they sent us the wrong one, of hubby's, and now we have to order new ones...only the process can take upto 8 weeks...meaning that my birth certificate could potentially "expire," soon after that.  So it would be an incredible time crunch to get our paperwork authenticated by the 6 month mark on not only my birth certificate, but also a few other documents that I got soon after.  So I still have to send out my birth certificate to get state certified, but I now have figured that it is worth the extra $60 to spend now, to get new copies in case they do expire, we won't have to start fresh.  I am okay with doing that, if it potentially saves us time in the long run.  My worry is if we don't get all of this completed fast enough, other documents will have to be redone...some that aren't so easy to get.  I am trying to not worry about that until we have to cross that bridge, but it really does give me a head ache just thinking that could happen. 

So last week, when I was finding out about the "mix-up" at the doctor's office, I was also trying to figure out how to send our birth certificates out for state certification.  Every state has a different process, with different fees, and different steps.  Some states, you send it to the state with a fee and they just do it...nice and easy!  We weren't so lucky.  The state Hubby was born in, you cannot pre-order birth certificates, you must order them and have them directly forwarded to the next office, and then the next and after all three processes are completed they will mail it back to you...or at least that is what we think is supposed to happen.  5 out of the 6 phone numbers on their website are no longer in service...so it was tough to get straight answers on what we needed to do.  For the state I was born in, we have to send my certificate that we ordered, if it didn't come with a county seal, to the county...luckily it did.  Then once we got it back, we need to send it out to another office so that they can verify that the county seal was legitimate.  Then it can be sent on to the state at that point.  And again...each step has it's own set of fees.  So it sounds like I know what I am talking about at this point...but it took several phone calls, emails, web searches, talking to our social worker, talking to people in both states...before we think that we finally have this all figured out. 

We also are waiting on child abuse clearances for my husband from other states that he has lived in, before our home study can be completed.  Our social worker's last day in the office was today, before she leaves on vacation.  She wanted to get it finalized today, so that we wouldn't have to wait until she gets back from her trip, to start our next step...but the clearances didn't come.  Hopefully they will come while she is gone, so that we can have our home study completed next week.  So that added to the stress, because not only were we waiting on those coming in, but hubby and I needed to finish our required training, in case they did come in, so that wouldn't hold things up.  We had finished all but one of our on-line courses, but Hubby was leaving on a business trip on Friday morning, and it can take up to 2 days for the certificate for the course to be issued, so we had to do it Thursday evening...only, he had to work late, and pack, and so...it added a ton of stress.  We did get it finished, and we did get the certificate, so that I was able to forward all of our certificates to our social worker...only now the clearances still didn't come in, so the rush to get the course done, wasn't necessary.  Oh well...at least it is finished!!!

Talk about a stressful week though!  We also had a few other personal family things going on to add to the stress, and so by this past weekend, I was wiped out and didn't feel well.  I really hope that this bumpy road starts to smooth out a bit, otherwise I am not sure I will survive this process!  I just keep focusing on the end game...at the end of all this a baby will be placed in my arms, and we will have the child that we have been hoping and waiting for.  It will all be worth it!

LypSyl Intense Protection LypMoisturizer

I received this product complimentary through Influenster!  I received several products in the box to test, and out of all of the products, this was by far, my favorite!!!  It went on smooth, and lasted for hours.  It didn't leave a sticky residue either.  Some brands of lip balm leave a residue, or feel really sticky.  This one felt great, and had a mild mint flavor that wasn't over powering.  I am pretty picky about my lip balm, and I have to say this one is great.  I will be looking for more when I go to the store, but you know me with my coupons, hopefully at some point I will be able to buy some with coupons.  If not, this may have to be one of the items that I splurge on!  Here is the link to the website, in case you want to check it out:
http://www.lypsylhome.com/

The Original™ Dish Drying Mat

First off, I received this product complimentary through Influenster.  As I said in my last post, I signed up to be a product tester.  This product is awesome.  It takes up very little space, and is very convenient.  The normal draining boards for dishes, take up so much space, and usually have a hole in the bottom so it can drain into the sink.  The problem with this is that if you don't want it to hang over the sink, it leaves a big puddle on the counter.  The Original dish drying mat is better in so many ways.  For one, if I am not drying dishes, it easily folds up and can be stored in the towel drawer.  It can absorb so much water, but will quickly dry, and is easy to wash.  No more counter space taken up by a big clunky plastic draining board!
Here is the link to the website for this product, in case you want to check it out!
http://www.the-original-co.com/default.html

So Many Hobbies...so I add another!

I signed up to be a product tester with Influenster.  I received my first box of goodies/products to test.  Blog posts are not mandatory, but I can win some cool prizes if I blog about the ones I like.  So while I wait for our next step in our adoption/family building journey, I might as well fill the time with trying out some cool products.  I got my first box a while back, and have had a chance to try the products.  So my next few posts will be about the products that I liked.  I figured not only will I have a chance to win more of these products, but I can tell others about them, so they can try them out and love them too!

Home Visit...Check!

We checked another big step off the list today.  Our social worker came to our house for the home visit.  It went really well, and a lot faster than I thought!  The home study meetings were a breeze compared to what I was expecting.  We will soon be an official homestudy approved family!  I am very excited to be finished with this part of the adoption process.  Now I just need to concentrate on finishing our required training, and getting some of the other paperwork for our dossier.  So exciting, but so busy and stressful at the same time!

Moving On

We finally have our last form that we needed, to start the actual Home Study process.  We were waiting for our doctor to fill out our medical info.  He did it a few weeks ago, and my husband picked it up.  When he got home with it, I realized that the doctor did not fill it out correctly.  So we took the information that he wrote on it, and typed it up.  Hubby then brought it back to the doctor, explaining what needed to be fixed.  I called last week, to see if it was done....nope!  So yesterday I text the doctor to ask when he would have it finished, and he basically said, thanks for the reminder...but I got an email this morning, that he would have it for us today.  I picked it up, and it was finished and it was right!  So now I just have to print off our autobiographies, and financial information.  I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday with a doctor that is near the adoption agency's office.  So I am going to stop by there, to drop off our packet and maybe set up our first meeting with our social worker. 
On a side note, I asked at the doctors office today, about the other tests that we had run a few weeks ago.  I wanted to know when they were expected to be in...well they checked...and they were in.  Don't know when they came back, and why we didn't get a phone call to discuss the results, but the nurse is supposed to call tomorrow.  If she doesn't, I will call on Friday and make an appointment for next week.  I really want to know the results.  The tests were expensive and they will determine for sure whether we attempt IVF again with our eggs/sperm...or if we should move on to other routes.  I have been researching embryo adoption, and feel that would be an awesome choice for us, but we will have to wait and see what the results say.

Days Like Today, Make me Miss Teaching!

The school year is about to begin at the school I used to teach at.  I LOVE teaching.  I love working with children, and I love the difference I make in their lives.  It gives my life value.  Hubby and I decided that I should quit my job before we started the IVF process.  Sure I could work, but teaching takes effort...and it was a level of effort that I would not be able to put forth while going through IVF.  I had enough sick days built up that I could have made it work...but it really wouldn't have been fair to my students.  They deserved better than what I was going to be able to give. 

So I quit my job, that I loved, teaching a subject that I love.  It wasn't a horrible sacrifice, because we were planning on me quitting when we had children anyway, this was just a bit early.  And I had a great option, to substitute teach.  I could still teach, and work with kids, but it could be when I felt up to it, and when it didn't interfere with IVF.  So I did that for a year.  I ended up working a lot less than I expected to.  I ended up doing two IVFs and an FET...and throw in there a few awesome trips. 

I signed up to Sub again this year, and I am very happy that I did.  At this time of year, I really miss teaching.  Many friends are posting on Facebook about setting up their classrooms and meeting their students, and as much of a hassle it was to get things ready for the start of the new year, I still always looked forward to it.  I was still excited every year at the start of a new school year.  I miss that!

Today I ran into one of my all time favorite students...yes teachers do actually have favorites.  I taught this student the last year I taught full time.  She is a great kid.  I know her mother as well, because she was a para for a student that was in my class when I taught special ed.  So I stopped and talked to them for about fifteen minutes.  It was so nice catching up with them.  It made me think back on not only this student, but all of the awesome students that I had.  I was very blessed to have such an amazing group of kids, especially my last year teaching. 

One thing that I remembered was a comment that this student made towards the end of the school year, and a few comments that her mother had made to me, while I was teaching her daughter.  The student made the comment that she couldn't believe that she had an A in my class.  She said that she was horrible at the Science, and had never gotten an A in it before.  I told her that she earned it...she worked really hard for that A.  She also said that she now loved Science, and no other teacher had taught it like I did, and now she found it interesting and fun!  That was always one of the highlights of teaching...was when the kids or parents would say things like this.  Her mother also made several comments that made me love teaching.  I would comment to this mother, every time I had the opportunity, about how awesome her daughter is.  The mother's response made me want to tell parents more often about how wonderful their kids are.  She said that she didn't often hear good things about her kids, and thanked me.  She loved to hear the good things about her kids, she thought they were great, but it was always nice to hear it from others.  I also got to thinking when she made this comment that teachers don't say the good things often enough.

One reason that this student made it to my favorite list...besides being such an amazing kid, was that she was adopted.  I always had a heart for the students who were adopted.  It has to be hard at times.  I say this because I was a science teacher...and I had to teach genetics.  How hard it must be to sit in a class, where everyone else is talking about where they got what trait from, and you have no idea where your blue eyes or dimples came from.  I was always very aware of this, and started the unit with a discussion about how some students may not be able to know who they inherited what from, and it didn't just apply to my students who were adopted, but also kids being raised by step parents or grandparents, or even single parents.  This helped many students to feel more comfortable talking about their genetics.  I always did worry about those students though.  It is hard enough to be a teenager, and not know where you came from...I didn't want to add to that.  My student's mother dealt with it very well, and helped my student to feel comfortable with who she is, and shared with her what she knew about her genetic parents.  I felt that the way that I dealt with it in the classroom, prompted good, and healthy discussions at home, for this family.  I did often worry though about possible irate phone calls from parents, but they never came from the genetics unit. 

All of this got me thinking about how open and understanding, I hope to be with my own child.  Chances are we will know nothing about his/her genetic family.  I am okay with that, at this point, but I worry what that will be like for my child.  Sure I would love to know who gave my child life, and I would love for my child to have a relationship with them at some point, but with the adoption program we are in, that will most likely not be possible.  I do hope that if my child has a difficult this with this, I am able to help them through it.

Way too Long Since My Last Post....So Just Some Updates

Hubby and I are working through the paperwork for our adoption.  It is going well, but not as fast as I would like.  It is a lot of calling, and digging around, to find the artifacts that we need.  Having not been born in the state that we live in, adds to the digging around.  I have been able to get the out of state items that we need.  Now I have to make the time to go in person to pick up some of the things that we need from in the state.

On the fertility front, our request for the blood work that we need has been denied by our insurance company.  It is so frustrating, because they really have no real grounds to deny it, except that they are expensive, and don't want to foot the bill.  So luckily our Doc's office called around to get what the cash price would be.  We have the option at this point to fight the insurance company over this, and still potentially have them deny coverage, and spend a lot of time fighting with them, or we can pay for it ourselves, and have it done this week.  The cash price that we were quoted is a lot less than what they quoted us it would be originally.  So we will probably opt to just get the tests done, and pay for it.  Since it is significantly cheaper than we thought, it really is doable for us at this point.  So later this week I am going to call and set up a time for us to go in and get the testing done.  While there I will find out what we need to do to get our doc to fill out our medical form for our adoption.  I really don't know how people who work do this.  I know that most people can only pursue one route, for both financial and emotional reasons.  But even if we were just adopting, or just still doing fertility treatments, I don't know how people do it and work.  Adoption paperwork could be a full time job.  Fertility treatments are more than a full time job.  I can't imagine working a whole lot more than I am now, and trying to get any of this done!

On my hobby front, I have gotten back on track and all caught up with clipping and organizing my coupons.  I went shopping today with my mom, and was able to get 6 big packs of diapers for $3.49 each.  Crazy cheap price!  For that price, I will start stocking up now, and not have to worry about paying full price for diapers, once we are home with our little one!  I bought big enough sizes, so I know that they will fit at some point...and if not, there are always friends and charities to give them to.  I love coupons!

Such a Weird Place to Be

Before I got married I did everything I could to not get pregnant, not knowing that I was infertile.  For the last 3 years I have been doing everything I could possibly do to try to get pregnant...Lots of ovulation strips, and checking for fertility signs.  So many times of peeing on a stick, only to have one line glare back at me.  The first two years were filled with medications with terrible side effects, and trying naturally.  Nothing worked, and the doc wouldn't listen to me that I thought more tests should be run.  Finally I switch to a great RE last year, and then we start on the IVF path.  We tried 2 fresh IVFs, and then one FET.  Nothing worked.  So we faced the decision of adoption or continuing to try IVF, possibly experimenting with surrogates and donors...I say experiment, because we still don't know for sure if it is my immune system that is the issue, or my crappy eggs are the issue.  Probably both are the problem, but we still have no way of knowing for sure at this point.  So to continue down the IVF path, with no certainty that it will work even with donors and surrogates, we decided that adoption is our best bet.  We have decided that this does not end our infertility journey.  We do want a larger family, if we have our say in it.  So all that being said, we have agreed to not actively try to get pregnant, while we are going through the adoption process.  We are going to run more tests and try to figure out what is the biggest problem, and come up with a plan to hopefully add more children to our family.  And we plan on doing an IVF cycle in the fall, freezing all resulting embryos, so that we can transfer them to either me or a surrogate in the future.  We figure we should get my eggs while there are still eggs there.  If we find that my eggs are the problem, then we will eventually move on to donor eggs, but there is always time to get donor eggs.  There are some restrictions on age when adopting, and well...my eggs will expire at some point...and if they aren't great now, they definitely won't be great if we wait much longer.

So now we are back where we started.  I am monitoring when I ovulate, not to get pregnant, but to try not to.  It isn't that I think at this point that it is possible, and of course a pregnancy at this point would still be a blessing, but I want to adopt.  With the agency and country that we are going with, we cannot get pregnant.  So I am going to try my best to not get pregnant.  I laughed at that a bit when I typed it, because to think that at any point I have to try NOT to get pregnant...yeah right.  Crazy thought!  Anyway...I just thought it odd that after all this time of trying everything possible to get pregnant, we are back to trying not to.

It is hard to switch gears.  I am so used to watching for the signs, and hoping this is the month.  I am so used to watching what I am eating, and not drinking alcohol, or taking medications after ovulation or transfers.  I just realized that I have about a year of not having to worry about any of that.  It isn't that I am going to go overboard or anything, but it is so nice to have a bit of a break, and to just be normal.  Normal...for a whole year....and then I will be a mom, if all goes right.

We're Accepted!

We mailed our application to adopt last Friday.  Today we got the email saying that we are accepted into their adoption program.  I am so excited.  We get to officially start our paperwork.  I plan on getting the paperwork finished in record time.  So Excited!!!  :)

The First Official Step

Tonight I filled out the application to the adoption agency that we have chosen to work with.  It took a bit longer to get this step completed, than what we anticipated because we hit a few snags this week that we needed to work out.  But now that those hills are climbed, we can mail out the application tomorrow.  We will know within two weeks if we are accepted into the agencies program.  I am so ready to get this show on the road, and I am so excited to work with the agency that we have decided on.  So far my dealings with this agency have been amazing.  They are so helpful, and nice.  I really feel good about our decisions so far.

We also had our follow up visit for our FET this week.  I have to say that our doctor is such a kind and wonderful man.  He heard that we were thinking of adopting, before we went in to see him, and figured that our fertility treatment journey was finished.  He was surprised to hear that we still plan on pursuing fertility treatments.  But either way, he has offered to help in any way that he can.  We talked about why we think IVF hasn't worked for us yet.  We came up with a list of tests that we can run to see if we can get some more answers.  And we came up with a plan of what to try next.  So we will get the tests done as soon as we get confirmation that the insurance company will cover them, and then we are planning on doing a freeze all IVF in October or November.  We will freeze our embryos in batches of about 4, and on day 1.  So they will have a decent chance of surviving the thaw, since at later stages, our embryos just don't look like that will survive.  Then after we are home with our baby through adoption, we will decide when we are ready to start trying FETs.  We decided on this for a few reasons.  First, my eggs aren't getting any younger, so we may as well get them while they are there, and save them for later.  Second, an FET is so much easier on the body, so when I am at home with a baby, it will be easier for me to do and FET than it would be a fresh cycle.  Also we will have our 4 that we already have frozen as a back up, if we ever do thaw a batch of 4 and none survive.  We can then convert to a day 5 transfer instead of a day 3, and not waste all of the prep that we did for that transfer.  Since they are already day 5 embryos, they don't have to sit in culture for days, so they can be thawed after we have realized the first batch didn't make it.  We also figure that by freezing our embryos in the fall, we can still work to figure out why this isn't working, and if it turns out that we need to get a surrogate or donor eggs, or what ever other hoop we have to jump through, we can still have embryos frozen to use at a later date.  I figure we can always do another IVF if we need to at a later date.  We can always get donor eggs if we need them...but my eggs may not be there a year or two from now.  I should get them while they are there, and we can figure out what to do with them later.  Now the trick between now and then....finding a way to pay for it all.

If things stop breaking on the house...we will be able to have some money for both the adoption and the IVF.  In the last year we have had a new roof, new siding on the side of the house, new vents on the side of the house, a new mailbox, a new window, when the contractors fixed the lights in our family room, they stepped through the floor in the attic and had to repaint the ceiling.  We also had to replace the washer and dryer, the garbage disposal, and now we have a new dishwasher coming tomorrow.  My husband's car has also broken down about 6 times in the last year.  And the garage door opener hasn't worked right in months, we just haven't called someone to fix it yet.  Oh and DirecTv has been at our house about 5 times in the last year.  We also had to replace a pipe on our sprinkler system, and had a pretty big repair bill for our air conditioner.  So really we hopefully should have at least a few months where nothing breaks, and we can save a little money for the IVF in the fall.  I keep saying that since we have replaced so much, nothing else should break, but it still doesn't stop!!!  Maybe now, we can have a few months free.  On a good note, with everything that we have done outside to the house, it is looking awesome!  We hired a new lawn service this year, and they offered to grind up our stumps that we have in the back yard.  Our cost for it is a fair trade.  We are giving him the old lawn mower that broke last year, and he will grind up the stumps.  He fixes mowers, so it works out great for us and him.   He also offered to trim our landscaping, for a reasonable price.  So with all of the work he has done and the work that hubby put into the backyard and garden this year, it really looks amazing!

One of Those Wow Moments!

I came to a pretty amazing realization yesterday.  As I posted, we had decided to start the adoption process, and since it was something that we had considered for a long time, we knew which route we were thinking of taking.  So when we found out that our FET had failed, we took the plunge, and started asking the agency that we liked most, the questions that we had.  Today we got the last of the answers that we needed before we could make our formal application to this agency.  So we will be filling that out this weekend, and mailing it off next week.  Since we had been corresponding with this agency all week, it got me thinking about how short this process could be, in comparison to how long we have been trying for a baby.  The adoption program that we are looking at typically takes 12-18 months.  So taking that into consideration, with the age child that we are considering adopting, I came to one of those WOW moments.

Our child, more than likely has been conceived and may have even been born recently.  So since realizing this yesterday, I have really been thinking a lot about this child...who will become our child.  I am thinking about a woman who is carrying a baby, and who is having to make the most difficult decision she will ever have to make.  My heart breaks for her, and for the child that she is carrying.  They will soon or may already be separated, possibly for the rest of their lives.  While undergoing all of our fertility treatments, I have really struggled with my faith, and trust in God.  I was often angry, and didn't understand why God would make us go through this.  I really wanted nothing to do with God.  Since we had made the decision to adopt, I have have a peace come over me.  It made the outcome of our FET not only bearable, but also gave me hope.  And now since the realization that I came to yesterday, that our child already exists, I have a new found faith, and I have been praying harder than I have ever prayed before.  I pray for the first mom of our child, that she have peace with the decision that she has to make, and feels comforted by God, knowing that her child will be loved and cherished.  I know that there is know way that she can know this for sure, but I pray that God helps her know it.  My heart will forever be entwined with this woman, that I will never meet.  I pray for the child that she is carrying or has recently given birth to.  I pray that while this child waits for us, he/she is well taken care of and loved by the caregivers.  I pray that there are hugs and kisses when this child is sad or scared.  I pray for the caregivers, and orphanage, that they have the resources that they need to care for our child, and the other children there.  I pray, and pray, and pray, for a child I have not met, a child I do not know, but a child I already am starting to love.  I worry already, even though we are not even close to the end of this process, the thought that our child could be out there, makes me worry. 

My faith is back in a good place.  I am praying a lot, and trusting God like crazy!  I know that a lot can go wrong still, and we have a long road ahead of us, but I am excited about the journey, and can't wait to meet our child.

FET #1 BFN

Thanks so much to those of you who commented with support.  I wanted to give an update.  Our beta was negative.  I did an HPT that morning, and it was negative, so I was prepared when they called with the bad news.  I am doing okay though.  Hubby and I have decided to start the adoption process.  I think that we have an agency picked out, and I am going to try to have the application completed by the end of next week.  So as disappointing as it is to have our cycle fail, I am excited and happy to be starting the adoption process. 

We've Made it Longer Than We Ever Have Before, and Tomorrow We will Know!

Tomorrow is our Beta.  We have never made it to beta.  I have always started spotting before.  So we are both excited and nervous.  I haven't tested at home, at least not yet.  We may tomorrow before I go for the beta, so at least I don't have to hear the news from the nurse.  I don't think I will get much sleep tonight.  I just want tomorrow over with.  Most people are excited for Beta day, me...not so much.  I mean I want to know if this worked, but we have never gotten an official positive.  So our lack of enthusiasm is because we worry that we never will.  I have had some good signs this time, that I haven't had in the past.  I do worry though that it is all just side effects from the meds.  Tomorrow is 14dp6dt.  Please, Please Please...just let this one be the positive! 

Symptoms So Far for FET #1 at 9dp6dt

Our transfer was 9 days ago.  Starting on the day of transfer and going through 4dp6dt I had very mild cramping.  Then it stopped and I haven't had it since.  On 4dp6dt I also had mild leg pain, that kept me awake.  Starting on 5dp6dt I had some mild breast tenderness.  It has continued, but comes and goes, so it may be a side effect of meds, and comes when I take them.  The last two days 8dp6dt and 9dp6dt, I have been very tired, but my headaches that I had all of last week (day of transfer-6dp6dt,) is gone and hasn't come back yet.  Yesterday (8dp6dt,) I was eating lunch, and right after I felt like I had something stuck on my bottom front tooth.  I couldn't get it off, so I looked in the mirror, and realized that a very small piece of that tooth chipped off, must have been while I was eating.  It isn't visible unless you go looking for it, but I have heard that pregnancy can ruin your teeth.  I haven't been sleeping great, pretty much since 6dp6dt.  I wake up in the middle of the night, and go to the bathroom...that also can be from all the meds though.  I also can't seem to stay awake late, or I need a nap mid day.  I haven't decided if or when we will test before the beta though.  I am going to talk to Hubby about it tonight and see what he thinks.

FET #1

We went in for our first FET today.  Things went as well as we could have hoped.  They thawed two of our embryos, and BOTH survived the thaw....Finally something in all this went right.  They were both graded 3B-B-.  At our Doc 3 means fully expanded blasts.  The picture of them looked great. 

I got there with a very full bladder, only to find out that there was going to be a bit of a wait.  The great doc was running behind.  So they let me use the restroom on the condition that I don't completely empty my bladder.  So I didn't...well then the doc finished up with the other patients really quickly...and now my bladder wasn't full.  So they had me chug water, and wait about 15 minutes.  Once the bladder was full again, they did the transfer.  It went great! 

I had my acupuncture appointment scheduled for this afternoon, so I went to that, and then came home and took a nap.  I have pretty much been laying on the couch since.  All in all it was a really good day.  I am so very happy that we still have 4 frozen embryos, and we didn't lose any today to the thaw.  Now we wait.  Beta is on June 4th!

In a Better Place

I feel better than I did when I posted my last post.  My hubby was gone on a business trip last week, and that combined with the mega doses of hormones, and everything else going on, I was a mess.  Things have settled down a bit.  Hubby and I went away for the weekend, and now I am back and refreshed and looking forward to this transfer.

First off, I have to talk about our weekend.  The company that my hubby works for flew many people that work for the company to Las Vegas for the weekend.  There were big parties, and other events planned for the weekend.  The major highlight of the weekend though was the award ceremony on Saturday.  My hubby won one of the awards.  He works so hard, and I love seeing all he hard work being acknowledged.  It really was the highlight of an amazing weekend.  I also got to see my husbands family while we were in Vegas, because his brother lives there, and his parents drove in for the weekend.  So between the parties, awards, and getting to visit, we really had an awesome time.

We got home Sunday evening, and went to my mom's to see her for mother's day.  My brother was there, and his wife, and step daughter.  Since we were in China for Easter, we hadn't seen my sister in law or niece in quite a while.  So it was so nice to finally get to see them, and have a nice mother's day with my mom.

This morning, I had my last monitoring appointment for our FET.  I finally got excited about the transfer.  The ultrasound went well.  My lining was at an 8.4.  I got my instructions on what other meds to take when.  Heparin starts tomorrow, Crinone on Wednesday, and our transfer will be next Monday!  After the ultrasound was over, I signed the paperwork, and they brought me in the back to do my first ever intralipids treatment.  I am really so excited about this.  I have read the research on it, and it seems to have excellent results.  The treatment went well.  I didn't have any side effects, and my mom went with me to keep me company.  It was fairly quick and easy and I felt fine after.

I have become my doctor's guinea pig.  I don't mind at all either.  My wonderful doc has never used intralipids with a patient before.  He has researched it, but never has had an instance where he thought it would help.  With me, he figured that it can't hurt, so it is worth a try.  He was just as excited as I am.  He and I both are hoping that this works. He would love to have it as an option to use in the future, and would love to see it help more of his patients.  The great doc even did the treatment himself!  He didn't just toss me over to the nurses, and hope they did it, he put the IV in and administered everything himself.  I am sure in the future, if he decides to continue using intralipids, he will train the office staff on how to do it, but for right now, he is doing it himself.

We really do have an awesome doc.  He knows his stuff, and if there is something that you ask him about, and he doesn't know it, he will research it, and let you know his opinion about it.  He had been thinking about intralipids before I brought it up, after our last failed IVF, and he was excited to have a patient who wanted to try it.  I would love for this to work for both us and him.  I would feel like we are helping to advance his practice, and help future patients with similar issues.

Now all we have to do is hope and pray that our embryos survive the thaw.  We have 6, so I am pretty hopeful!  My bigger prayer though is that the first two they thaw survive.  If they do, we transfer 2...if only one makes it, they will thaw two more, and then transfer whatever makes it.  So we may transfer up to 3.  I am confident that we could handle triplets if that is what we ended up with, but I would prefer not to go that route, mostly because I would worry about the health of the babies.  So I am really hoping for our first two to make it.  Lots of prayers between now and next Monday!

My Heart is Just not in it

It has been a rough two weeks for me.  We got back from China, and I had to deal with lots of stuff at home.  Added on top of that, they found the cyst, and I had it drained, which ate into the time to do other things that were needing attention.

Every year, I plant a garden.  I love it, and I love the fresh home grown veggies I get from it.  This year Hubby and I decided to expand the garden and he built a wonderful wall for it, and I got all of the plants planted this week.  I have also been trying to get my flowers planted under the trees.  I love petunias and we have two big trees in the front that they look great under.  Only last year, weeds grew amid the beautiful flowers.  So this year, I bought landscaping stones to put around the trees, and weed preventing stuff to put there, and mulch on top, so no weeds can grow in the flowers.  I even won some beautiful flowers from all my sweepstaking.  I love planting things and seeing them grow.  This year, I have had a hard time finding the time.  Several things around the house were needing repair and I finally got around to calling a plumber, a new lawn mowing service, our satellite company, and the irrigation company, all to come fix various problems.  I still need to find a company to come fix our garage door.  Our kitchen sink finally doesn't leak, and it was cheaper to fix than I thought it would be.  The new lawn mowing service is great, but after seeing our yard, decided to charge $10 more than the original quote.  Our sprinkler system is back up and running, and it also was cheaper than I thought it would be.  Our TV service though...not so great.  Since we came back from China, our service would cut out on our living room TV.  It was sporadic, but progressively got worse.  I finally called about it, and they sent a technician out.  The guy gave me the creeps, and smelled worse than any smell I have ever smelled before.  I lit a candle and sanitized everything he touched, after he left.  I am not a germophobe, he was just that bad.  He took forever to "fix," the problem, and it seemed like it was fixed when he left.  It is not though.  The receiver is not recognizing the remote.  So they have to come back out and replace the receiver again.  Only they were supposed to call today, and they didn't.  So now I have to call tomorrow, before my doctor appointment.  I am so frustrated by all of this.  Normally I would just deal with it, it would be a hassle, but I would deal...but with being on meds to do a FET, I have NO patience!  I have had several melt downs, as a result of the side effects of the meds.  I feel like crap!

Hubby and I had a talk about what to do on the fertility front, when I was told about the cyst.  I really just wanted to put off a transfer, and give my sanity and my body a break from it all.  Hubby really wanted to do a transfer in May if it was still possible.  At the time it was still up in the air.  I begrudgingly agreed to do the transfer, if it was still a possibility.  So I had the cyst drained, and I went to the doctor appointments, and I have started the meds.  Notice the "I's,"  not "We's."  Hubby has been busy with work and has been unable to go to any of the doctor appointments.  He drove me home the day I had the cyst drained, but other than that, I have been on my own.  I have been dealing with all the house repairs, and I had to get the rest of my work days in before the end of the school year, and trying to get my gardening in...and now dealing with very unexpected side effects to the medications....I just am out of steam.  My heart isn't in to this transfer.  I really just want to not show up for my appointment tomorrow.  I want to stop taking the meds that are making me feel so terrible.  I don't want to have to devote my next 3 weeks to fertility crap.  I want to live my life.  I want to enjoy the spring.  I want to enjoy planting my garden and being out in the beautiful weather.  But with these side effects, I can't enjoy anything.  It just sucks!  I am so tired of my life having to revolve around TTC.  Hubby often tells me that I shouldn't let my life revolve around it.  But that is impossible.  I have quit a job I love, to do this.  I have given up trips, and friends, and so much more, to do this.  It will all be worth it, if this works, but it really doesn't seem like it is going to.  I was ready to start the adoption process years ago.  I have always wanted to adopt, so who cares if we have biological kids first.  I just don't feel like all of the doctor appointments, and injections, and blood work, and medications with crappy side effects, and adding in new treatments.  I would be so excited to try these treatments, if it was a few months from now, after I have had a break, but now, I just don't want to deal with all this.  All that being said, I will go in tomorrow for my doctor appointment.  I will go in for my first ever intralipid treatment, next week.  I will pray my heart out that our embryos survive the thaw.  I will call the acupuncturist tomorrow to make my next appointment.  And I will go in for my transfer.  I will pray my heart out that the changes that we are making this time, will do the trick.  I do think that regardless of the outcome, it is time to start picking out an adoption agency.  We have a few in mind.  We have many of the major decisions made.  Hubby is open to adoption, and we have talked a lot about international or domestic, and choices of agencies.  He and I will need to decide on which route is right for us.  But it is time.  I need a break from infertility, at least for a few months.  During that break, I can focus on starting the process of finding the child that God has intended us to adopt.  I felt the call to adopt, long before I ever met my hubby.  We talked about it while we were dating, and felt that it would be something that we would do at some point.  I do think that we are now at that point.

Time for a Long Overdue Blog Post

A lot has happened in the last month, since my last post.  Hubby and I left for China on April 3rd.  I had blog access, but it was sporadic.  I intended on writing several posts while I was there, but we were so busy, that I just didn't have a chance.  China was amazing.  I would go back again in a heartbeat.  We flew into Hong Kong, and took various public transportation to get to Shenzhen.  We stayed at a western style hotel, that was really nice, and many of the workers spoke at least a little English.  They were very helpful and nice.  In fact most people that I came across or met were as nice and helpful as could be.  They didn't balk that I didn't speak their language (which leads to another post that I will hopefully get around to writing.)  I got to experience so much of the culture while I was there.  I also got to experience so many different styles of Chinese meals.  My stomach did bother me from some of the food, but adding to that was the fact that I had a huge cyst on my left ovary.  I didn't know about the cyst until I got home, and went to the doctor though.

We didn't go too much beyond Shenzhen, except to go into Hong Kong for a day.  Hubby and I almost got stranded in Hong Kong that night though.  We had to find another port of entry than the one that we entered through, because it was closed by the time we were going back to Shenzhen.  While in Hong Kong we went to Lamma Island, and had some awesome seafood.  I ended up getting pretty sick soon after, but I do not think that it was the seafood, since one of the guys in our travel group did not go for the seafood and he also got sick.  So since I was sick, hubby and I sat in the ferry terminal for awhile, while the rest of the group explored the rest of Hong Kong.  While in Shenzhen, I was mostly on my own since hubby had to work most of the time.  There was enough to do within walking distance of the hotel to keep me pretty busy though.  There were theme and amusement parks.  I also ventured a few blocks to the Walmart, just to see how different it would be.  It was very different than Walmart here.  I also went to a shopping area several times, by subway.  In the evenings I would take a cab to meet up with Hubby, and go to dinner.  There are so many details of the trip that I am just glazing over here.  It would take me hours to write about all of the amazing experiences that I was able to have.  I do hope that I get to go to China again.  I loved the people, the culture, and all of the experiences.

While in China, I was expecting AF to show.  It was supposed to start early on in the trip, and I was very surprised that it was a no show.  I knew that having done IVF in February may mess with my cycle, but after November IVF I was only a week late.  By the time I came home from China and made a doctor appointment, I was 3 weeks late.  I took a home test, and it was negative.  When I went in for the ultrasound, it looked like I may be pregnant, so the doctor ran a test, but they also saw a large cyst.  I was told that he would call that evening (which he did and the test was negative,) and to wait a week, and if AF still didn't show, they would drain the cyst.  I asked what went into that, and was told that it was just like an egg retrieval, but without anesthesia, which then caused me to have anxiety all week.  I went back in on Monday, and they did an ultrasound...cyst still there, so they had me go into the procedure room, and prepped me to drain it.  I have a nice doctor who offered to inject lidocaine to numb me up, before draining it.  After numbing me, I still felt it, but it didn't hurt.  It was pretty uncomfortable, but not as bad as I thought that it was going to be.  I asked if all of this knocked us out of being able to do a FET in May.  They said it would depend on when AF finally showed.  She finally came today.  I called, and found out that we can proceed with our FET.  They are going to call tomorrow to let me know more of the details, and what meds to start when.

I am still so excited that I was able to go to China and experience all that I did, and I am soooooo excited that we can move forward with our FET.  Despite the cyst overall I have had a pretty amazing month!

Possible Controversial Topic!

I titled this post as potentially controversial, because if any of my devout Catholic friends stumble across it, they may disagree and argue with me.

I am getting really tired of many of my friends posting on facebook about the political controversy over birth control.  I understand that many of them are just following what they believe, and what the church teaches.  Before I started fertility treatments and even through my early treatments, I was against myself taking the pill.  It wasn't because I was against the pill all together.  I just have other medical problems that make me feel like crap when I take the pill.  So the pill was never a long term option for birth control for me (not that I need it at this point.)  I understand and agree with the Catholic church throwing a fit over the idea that they would have to start handing out birth control.  I think that is just as wrong as asking the Catholic church to marry a gay couple.  Don't start yelling at me yet.  I am not anti-gay...quite to the contrary.  I am very pro gay equality/rights.  I would love to see gay marriage legalized in all states.  I just think that it is wrong for the government to force a religious group to blatantly go against what it teaches.  There are plenty of other churches and courthouses that will marry a gay couple.  That being said, I think that it was wrong to try to force the Catholic church to hand out birth control...I do not however think that it is wrong to require the health insurance that the church provides for it's employees, to cover birth control pills.  It is an individual decision for each person.  There are other reasons though why I fully support this requirement.  Birth control pills are pretty much just a bunch of hormones.  Women take hormone pills throughout life for various reasons.  They are not only used as a contraception.  They also are used during fertility treatments to regulate a woman's cycle, or to get rid of a cyst on an ovary. 

There are many other benefits of using BCPs, including being used as a treatment for endometriosis.  It is one of only a few noninvasive treatments that have been shown to help endo.  This being Endometriosis awareness month and being that I have endo, makes me feel like I need to speak up about this.  Medical care is so expensive, and medications sometimes can break the bank.  I am blessed enough that my endo has not caused severe pain all the time.  I can't imagine living a life of constant pain and not being able to afford the BCP's that would potentially lessen my pain.  What my many Catholic friends don't realize is that BCPs are not just a contraception, they can also be used as a medical treatment. 

I know what my friends would say to me to argue, but those same friends would never understand why I have turned to IVF to have a baby.  I am pretty open about my infertility, but there are some friends that I just don't talk about it with.  I know how cruel they would be.  I know that they wouldn't mean to be cruel.  They really are only looking out for my soul.  They are really kind hearted people, they are just so strict in their beliefs that they would try to get me to see the "error of my ways."  Plus it goes along with all the other insensitive comments that people make to infertiles.  They just don't get it, unless they have to walk in your shoes. 

China and a Few Other Bits

Tickets are finally booked for us to go to China.  I resisted letting myself get too excited until this point, since last time things fell through.  Now the tickets are booked and I am thrilled!  Hubby will be working a lot while we are there, but there is so much to do within walking distance of the hotel.  I had been debating on whether I should bring my expensive but bulky camera, or just go with my point and shoot.  I decided that even though it is bulky, my nicer camera will be worth having while I am there.  I am hoping to come back with some really awesome pictures! 

On another note, we went for the follow up doctor visit last Friday.  The doc said that he would write a letter of necessity for the insurance company, so it can get preapproved. So once it all is approved we will do the testing.  That may take awhile...you know how insurance companies can be!  So I asked if this would affect our transfer in May, and they said that we can go ahead with the transfer.  We are still going to add a few different meds this time, even without knowing what the results are.  The meds can hurt, they add a little to the cost, but I am pretty sure what the results will be to the tests that we are having run.  I have Hashimotos, and endometriosis.  Both of those drastically increase my chances of having elevated NK cells.  I have been on prednisone, and lovenox, but did not try intralipids.  So this time we are going to add it.  We also may switch to dexamethasone instead of the prednisone.  We are also transferring blasts this time, and it is our first FET.  So I won't be recovering from a retrieval.  I am really hoping that these few switches make the difference that we need!  The other tests that the Doc wants to run really won't make a difference with our transfer in May...it will make more of a difference in how we proceed when we decide to do another fresh cycle.  Hubby and I want a big family (if that is even still possible at this point.)  So more than likely another fresh cycle is in our future even if this transfer works!

On the sweepstakes front I have had some pretty cool winnings lately.  I have won a box of oranges, a cold and flu care package, $100, two cook books, some petunias, and a year supply of cat food.  We don't have cats.  Luckily my brother and his wife have two.  So they are benefiting from my win.  My bunnies on the other hand are not.  We will just have to keep buying there food.  My next win will hopefully be the mega millions jackpot tomorrow night!

Time Will Fly!

Two months from tomorrow is our target date for our next transfer.  It seems like two months is so far away, like it will take forever to get here.  We could have done our transfer in April instead, and we would then be getting all our ducks in a row now. 

We decided on May for a few reasons.  First, we will have pretty much paid off our last cycle by that point, allowing us to afford the next transfer.  Plus, we have a lot of other stuff going on.  Hubby was asked to go to China for work again.  Last time he went was right after my laparoscopic surgery in September, so I couldn't go with him.  I love to travel and one place that I have always wanted to go was China.  They then asked him to go in January, and I was supposed to go with him, but the trip fell through.  Work then asked him to go in February, but he couldn't travel then because we were engulfed in our second IVF.  He wanted to put off the IVF at that point so we could travel to China, not because work was pressuring him, but because he really wants me to be able to go.  I nixed that idea.  I didn't want to put off the IVF.  I was already on meds for it by the time the January trip was cancelled, and I didn't like the idea of having to revamp our plans, and possibly having to be on meds (that made me feel like sh**,) for a longer period of time.  I was really disappointed when the trip got cancelled, because if the IVF worked in February, it meant that I may never get to China.  I was okay with that, after weighing the options.  Since it didn't work, and they have asked hubby to go again, I will be going to China.  I am so incredibly excited.  We leave soon, and I know that the time will fly while we are there.  I will probably have to start some of the meds for our next transfer while we are there, and more meds soon after we get back.  I always feel like once we start the meds in prep, time really does fly.  It always feel good to be doing something.  When we are just waiting between cycles, it is hard. 

I also have to get a few more days in for work between now and my next transfer.  I have to work 4 more days this school year, to stay active in the system.  I have some time open next week, so I would like to get at least 2 of the days out of the way.  That way when we come back from China, I will only have 2 days left that I have to do. 

We are also looking at buying a new car when we come back from China.  Ideally we would not be buying a car right now, but since our newest car is 8 years old, and our oldest one is 15 years old...we figured that it was time to buy.  Hubby's car broke down again a few weeks ago, finally convincing him, that we did need to get one.  He is a bit tired of being stranded on the side of the road, or worrying while he is driving that he isn't going to make it home.  We already have picked out the car that we want.  It just doesn't make sense to buy before China. 

I am so excited about everything that we have going on right now.  So much to keep me busy and to look forward to.  May will be here before we know it.  I am really hopeful that the new meds we are adding in May will do the trick.  We still haven't made a decision about the tests that the Dr. said we could/should have done.  Insurance said that they would cover it, if it is proven to be medically necessary.  We are thinking about getting it preapproved, so that we don't have to worry about them saying yes now...only to turn around later and deny it.  We may also only get some of the testing done now, and wait on others.  We will make up our minds on Friday when we go for the follow up appt from my hysteroscopy and D&C that I had last week. (Dr likes to do this before doing a transfer, because it is supposed to increase chances of implantation.)  So much going on, and so much to keep us busy...May will really be here before we know it!

Next Plan of Action

We had our follow up appointment with our doctor today, about our last failed IVF.  I had been writing my list of questions since last week...so having a week to think about questions, and research online, makes for a long list of questions.  I ended up with 5 hand written pages, that I went through and organized into categories last night, so there was some order to them when I asked them...instead of jumping around. 

So we sat down with the doctor, and he took the time to answer every one of the questions that I had.  He gave his input on the information that I found online, and let us know if he thought these things were worth trying, or just plain crazy.  Most of them he figured were worth a try, and couldn't hurt.  So it looks like we have a plan for the next transfer.

I will call on day one of my next cycle, and start the wonderful BC pill soon after.  Then at some point after that I will start lupron.  I guess they will let me know when it gets closer.  We discussed trying a higher dose of prednisone and/or switching to dexamethasone.  I am not sure which we will do yet.  If we up the dose of prednisone, we will probably do a much higher dose (60mg) for a few days after transfer, and then maybe lower it to 20mg at least until the beta.  We also talked about adding in Claratin, and pepcid, which he agreed couldn't hurt anything, so it is worth a try.  And thankfully, he would like to try intralipids.  So we will be adding that this time.  I will most likely stay on the crinone, baby aspirin, folgard, lovenox and prenatal.  He gave me some endometrin to see if I have an allergic reaction to it.  I can try it and see, or we can just plan on Crinone for next time.  It is all still so confusing, but at least we have a plan in place of where we are going next.

We also talked about other tests that we can run, to see if there are other problems going on.  His office is supposed to call me with how much the tests will cost, and then we can decide if we want to pay for the tests.  I am leaning toward skipping the NK cell testing, because we are going to treat with intralipids anyway, so the results won't make a difference in treatment.  I am leaning towards paying for the cost of the HLA and DQ Alpha testing, because if it comes back 100% positive, we may as well not waste anymore embryos by putting them in me.  If it is a 50% match, then we know that it may benefit us to transfer only one at a time.  And at least if it isn't a match...then we can feel at ease that, that isn't the problem.  I am really hoping that they come back with insurance will cover some of the cost, but I do think that even if they don't cover it, we will probably get the testing done. 

If it comes back with 100% match, it is pretty much game over for us.  the only way that we would be able to have a baby is through a gestational surrogate.  I am all for it, if that is what we have to do, but Hubby is hesitant.  Plus the cost of that would be a bit more prohibiting for us.  Time will tell though.  No sense in worrying over this at this point.  We will cross that bridge when we get there. 

If you ask me for my gut feeling, I really think that the intralipids will be our answer.  We will try the other meds (claratin, pepcid, etc.)  and I do think that the combination of these additions of medication will make the difference for us.  We have some good looking blasts to transfer, and with having 6 frozen, we have a really good chance of having 2 to transfer.  Part of me really wants to skip the testing before this transfer...do one more transfer before we test the DQ Alpha and HLA.  I think it is because I really don't want to know the result if it is bad news.  I don't want to give up the dream of getting pregnant and having our baby.  So maybe we will wait to test.  We can see if all this extra stuff helps...and if it doesn't work...then we can do the tests.  I guess I will wait to see what insurance says.

On Our Way...Again!

The world of fertility treatments is crazy and overwhelming at times.  It will consume your life...if you let it.  There are times that I let it take over our lives, and then there are times that we have to step back and take a break.  After our last round failed, I thought that we would take a six month break.  Then I got to thinking about waiting six months before we would try again, and I just couldn't do it.  So, we talked about it, and decided that we could do a transfer with two of our embryos in May.  That would give us some regroup time, and travel time, and yet we wouldn't have to wait six months.  So the planning and scheduling has to begin.  I know that we are two months out still, but so much prep goes into IVF.  Our doctor mentioned that he would want to do another hysteroscopy and D&C before we do another transfer.  Well...that has to be done at least 30 days before and preferably no more than 90 days before.  So if we are looking at May, that leaves us March or April to do this.  It is already March, so if we want to do it this month, I would have to get a move on things.  We could wait until April, but I am hoping to get to travel in April with Hubby.  He has a business trip coming up that I would love to go on...meaning that we would be gone during the time in my cycle that this would have to be...So March it is.  The problem is that our follow up, to go over what we all think went wrong with the last cycle, and come up with a plan of what to do next, isn't until Friday.  If we wait till Friday to discuss all this with the Doc, it may be too late to schedule it for next week.  So I emailed him today to mention that we would like to aim for May, and explain the situation about when to schedule the D&C.  He said that he would get on it, and get it scheduled for next week.  :)
So we are on our way again....Starting our first step towards our next transfer.  I will know more and have a solid plan after Friday's appointment.  There is so much to discuss with the Doc.  Hopefully he will have some ideas and answers.  He also mentioned running more tests, so I am hoping that they can do them that day...get them out of the way and get some answers before we go much further. 
On another note, I got my results from the thyroid doctor this morning.  My TSH was .84.  It couldn't be more perfect than that!  :)  I was so excited to hear that we finally got it to a good level.  We will of course check it again before we do a transfer, but for now...I am good!

Well...I was Pregnant!

So after I started spotting again...the night before beta...again, I just figured that it was all over.  I was right, but this time the results weren't a flat out negative.  I had a chemical pregnancy.  I hate the term "Chemical Pregnancy."  It makes it seem like there wasn't one...that my body was producing hormones that it wasn't supposed to.  In actuality, a chemical pregnancy is just another term for a VERY early miscarriage.  It is a miscarriage that happens before a heartbeat can be detected.  In my case...we didn't even get close to a heartbeat.  Last time we had a flat out negative...like neither embryo even tried to implant.  This time at least one started to.  Yes I am sad, mad and every other emotion you can think of, but at the same time, this gives me a little bit of hope.  With it completely negative, we have no idea what happened...Did my body kill them off as soon as we put them in?  Were they just not viable?  We still don't know if they were viable or not, but we at least know that my body didn't kill them off right away.  It gives us a few clues as to where to go from here.  Tells us some more tests that can be run.  And luckily we have a wonderful proactive doctor, who is willing to help us figure this all out.  He mentioned some more tests that he wants to run, and some ideas of what to try next.  I made our follow up appointment for next Friday, and I have been writing my book of questions and things to talk to him about.  We have our ideas of where we want to go from here, and what we want to try, now we just have to make sure the Good Doc is on board.  We would like to try for a transfer in May.  I would like to use two of our snowflakes from November.  Since we have 4, I would love for all of them to make it to thaw, but I am being realistic, and thinking that we will at least get two to transfer if we thaw them.  So...as long as the Doc agrees, that is our plan.  I also plan on asking about some other meds that we can try this time.  So we will see what the Doc thinks, and hopefully that plan will be a go!

And Just Like that...It is All Over

I was still so hopeful, earlier today, even though I really wasn't feeling any early pregnancy symptoms...and then this evening, my world shattered yet again.  Tomorrow is my beta...and I again didn't even make it to beta.  I started spotting this evening.  Basically that means that it is all over.  Sure there is a slim chance.  Maybe it is early pregnancy spotting, maybe there were two, and I am losing one, maybe, maybe , maybe.  And even with these maybes...there isn't much hope.  These maybes represent less than 1% statistically...so we know it is over.  The doctor still makes you go in for the blood test...just in case, but I know what the result will be.  You would think that this would get easier, or that you would get used to this, after going through it so many times.  But I never do, it hurts just as much, and actually it hurts even more now, because we know that there are embryos that we are losing, and financially...well, we just can't keep affording this.  We need a break, not only for our sanity, but also financially.  So...now we need to come up with our plan...what will we do next.  It is tough to know where to go from here. 

Beta Tomorrow....Can't Wait for the Wait to be Over

Tomorrow is my beta blood test.  I have not tested at home, but we plan to tomorrow morning.  I know it sounds crazy to wait until the day of the blood test, and then test at home.  We just don't want to find out while Hubby is at work and I am at home, by myself.  So we figure, we will test before the blood test, and know what the results will be, before they call with them. 
As for how I am feeling, I have never been so tired in my life!  I sleep plenty.  But that is really all I feel like doing.  I have been feeling this way for several days now.  It could be a side effect to one of the many meds that I am on.  But I definitely didn't feel like this last time.  I am on double the crinone, but since it doesn't absorb into the blood like PIO does, it doesn't come with tiredness as one of the major side effects.  So...what about estradiol?  Well, I am on half the dose I was on last time, and it has never made me feel this way.  The steroid, folgard, baby aspirin, and prenatal all don't have that side effect.  So that brings me to the lovenox...dizziness, is listed, but not exhaustion.  So...either I am reacting differently to the meds this time, or...maybe this actually worked. 
I am hesitant to believe that it worked because I am lacking some of the major early signs of pregnancy.  No breast tenderness, no real PMS symptoms at all.  No major bloat going on, no constipation, no major nausea, just nothing that shouts out to me that I am pregnant.  However, I am exhausted, pants are a little tight, slight headache on and off, rapid heart beat (which is common for me,) and just an all round not good feeling...but not a feeling like AF is on her way...no sign or feeling of her coming to visit...just not feeling great.  Less than a day more to wait, and then we will know for sure.

Every Minute Gives Me a Bit More Hope

Today is 11dp3dt.  This is the longest that we have made it....and I have hope.  This morning I woke up with mild period like cramping, and I nearly lost it.  I thought it was all over.  During our last IVF in November, this was the day that AF started.  All week long I have been dreading today.  I worried and worried and worried some more that AF would show up today...and that we wouldn't even make it to Beta.  So far, so good.  I have not taken a home test...I don't want to ruin the hope that I have right now...so I will wait.  Three more days till beta, and every minute that I make it with no AF, I get a bit more hopeful.  My period is as regular as it can be.  Even when I have been on progesterone in the past, pre-ivf days, I would always get AF on time...give or take a day.  And like clockwork during our last IVF, she came, on time.  I still had to go in for the beta...and since they let me come in early...they wanted to double check...and so Thanksgiving day, I was waiting to hear that I could stop the meds, and more importantly....DRINK!  After AF showed up last time....I knew it was over, but I still wasn't going to do anything to mess things up....just in case.  But once I got the official word that it was indeed AF...I wanted to enjoy my bottle of wine.  This time...I have made it further.  I am constantly praying that I make it through the next few days, with no AF, and no spotting.  I am praying that those little beans stuck, and on Tuesday...I will finally get that positive that we have been trying for...for almost three years.  I am also trying to not get my hopes too high, just in case.  I know that the lack of spotting, does not mean it will be positive...but my chances are better, the closer I get. 

Last time, I came up with a plan during the tww,  I knew exactly what we were going to do, if things didn't work.  I planned out the next few months, with fun and exciting things that I wouldn't get to do, if there was a positive.  I did this so I would have things to look forward to...trying to turn the negative into a positive...and it did keep me from completely losing it, when we got that negative.  I even planned out, our next step in this process, and worked out the finances for another round.  This time, I have had a harder time doing that.  It isn't because I don't want a plan.  I keep trying to come up with one...I just don't know where to go from here.  After one failed IVF, I felt....try again, statistics show it would be likely to work.  I can't think past a second failed attempt.  I have a few ideas in my head, but I need a break.  I can't keep doing this.  Both financially and emotionally, it is way too hard.  I constantly think about the embryos that we have already lost.  I believe life begins at conception, and so we have six beautiful snowflakes, and hopefully we have two more embabies growing inside me....but I think about the 9 that didn't make it in round one, and now the 12 that didn't make it this time.  21 total that we have lost already.  I pray for them.  It may sound crazy to some, but I pray that God has them with Him, and that he is taking care of them.  I pray that they are given the life that they didn't have a chance to live on Earth.  I then also pray that God keeps safe our 6 snowbabies.  And I pray for the two that I hope are still growing in me.  God gives me hope.  I am holding on tight to that hope, praying that we will finally get those two pink lines!

IVF#2 Tww Symptoms So Far

I didn't keep track of my tww symptoms the first time around, and now I really wish I had, so I could compare.  Last time, it didn't work...and this time, well...we don't know yet.  But I wanted to list my symptoms, so even if it didn't work I would have a list to compare for next time.  So here it goes:

I had severe heartburn like pain right after the lovenox injection day of transfer, it went away, but came back in the morning.  Then I had it again that evening after the injection.  It has not happened since.

Starting 2dp3dt I started having mild cramping.  It intensified a bit, but still mild over the next few days, and faded around 6dp3dt.  I have had mild twinges since then, primarily on the right side, but not as far right as my ovary.   

I have been extremely tired since about 7dp3dt, and still am at 9dp3dt.

I started having hot flashes and night sweats 6dp3dt, and am continuing to have them.

I woke up with extreme thirst night of 7dp3dt and 8dp3dt.

I have had several episodes of extreme thirst since 7dp3dt.

I woke up last night, 8dp3dt with hip and upper leg pain.

I had a headache all day today, at 9dp3dt.

I started crying this evening 9dp3dt, for no real reason...love to see the look on hubby's face when this happens! :)

I have had some mild twinging throughout, mild lower back pain occasionally, an occasional dizzy spell, mild nausea in the morning when I wake up. 

I know that many of the things on this list can and probably are caused by all the crazy meds I am on.  I wanted to list them all though, so that I can remember for future reference. 

From Hopeful to Not So Much

We went in on Tuesday for our transfer...and our embryos looked basically the same as last time.  So they transferred an 8B and a 7B+, and told us that we would have to wait till Friday to see how the rest do.  I was really hopeful at that point because out of 10 last time, we ended up with 4 to freeze.  I was figuring that we would end up with at least that many this time, since we had 14 sitting in the lab.  Not so much.  I got the call this morning that we only got 2 to freeze.  I know I should be rejoicing that we got 2.  I am so happy we have those two...incredibly blessed, because we now have 6, but at the same time, I am sick.  I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.  Out of 14....we got 2.  I had a good cry over those 12 that we lost...the ones that really never had a chance, my nonviable embryos.  And now I pray.  I pray for the now 21 embryos that we have lost in this process, I pray for the 6 we have frozen...my little snowflakes, and I pray most of all at this point for the two beautiful embryos that we had transferred a few days ago.  I don't know their fate yet, and I can only be cautiously hopeful that this whole process works this time....That one or both of those beauties survives and thrives.  I am trying my hardest to stay positive, to still have hope, but it is so hard when time after time, we end up with the same outcome.  I need a break, and a glass of wine!  No....I am not going to have one, that would be crazy!  However, if in a week and a half we find out this didn't take, I am going to have both of those!  I have decided that I need a break from the world of infertility, to just enjoy life again.  I can relax and travel a bit, knowing that I have 6 snowflakes waiting, for when we are ready to try again.  As for the wine, you bet during that break, there will be plenty of it! 

IVF #2 So Far

We finished up our injections last Thursday, and did our trigger shot that evening, for a Saturday morning retrieval.  We left the retrieval knowing that we got 36 eggs...14 more than last time.  The Doctor said to expect that many of them may not be mature, just because there were so many.  We got the call this morning that 28 were mature, and of that 28, 16 of them fertilized!!!  So all in all, so far it seems to be going better than last time.  we had 22 total last time, of which 16 were mature and 13 fertilized.  Now I am on pins and needles until Tuesday, when we find out how they all look.  Last time they pretty much all had some major fragmentation going on...So this time I am really hoping that with the changes that we made, we may have some better looking embryos. 

IVF is Tough on So Many Levels!

Today all over Facebook, there have been links to articles about what Newt Gingrich will do about IVF, if he gets elected as president.  He wants more monitoring, and wants to make it illegal to use "leftover" frozen embryos for research.  I have mixed feelings about this.  It saddens me to think about all of the embryos left in limbo....with possibly no chance of ever being born.  And I understand that this is why so many churches have a problem with IVF. 
It is difficult to think about what we will do if we ever get to that point, where we have the number of children that we feel completes our family, yet we still have embryos.  We are nowhere near that point, and are dealing with the uncertainty that we will ever even have children.  It is something that I think about though.  With four frozen snowflakes from November's cycle I already care about them.  I worry that something might happen to them...power outages, etc.  I also worry though with doing a fresh cycle this time, we could end up with more embryos than we can ever use ourselves. 
Embryo adoption is such a great option for this situation, but I know in my heart that I couldn't donate my embabies to another couple.  I already feel like my four snowflakes are my kids, and I would feel like I was giving away a piece of myself.  I am amazed at the generosity of the couples that do choose this option.  And maybe when I get to that point, where I really don't want a bigger family, maybe I will feel like giving them life in another family is better than staying frozen forever, or being donated to science...or worse yet, just being discarded.
That is the great thing about the freedoms that we have in America though.  We currently have these choices.  I have always been prolife.  I feel that life begins at conception.  I do sometimes struggle with this as we do IVF.  I could never choose to donate our embabies to science, and I don't agree with embryonic stem cell research.  However, as I hear politicians starting to say that they are going to regulate IVF more, it scares me.  With pushes for legislation deciding that life begins with conception, opens doors to making it illegal to freeze embryos at all.  And then what happens to the ones already frozen?!?!  But then that also opens the door to more embryos being destroyed, before they are ever even given a chance.  Doctors will face the decision then of destroying viable embryos, valuable lives, or transfer too many.  This legislation plain out scares me! 
As I said, I am prolife.  I see value and life in my four frozen babies.  I plan on giving them their best chance at life, God willing.  I also plan to give our embryos from this cycle their best chance at life too.  And I pray that we don't end up with more kids than we can handle because of this plan.  I don't envy the people who have more embryos than they can handle, and I know they face a difficult decision every time they pay the storage bill for their snowflakes.  It is troublesome that there are so many lives left in a bit of limbo, however what to do with them is not my decision, and should not be the decision of a politician. 
As crazy as this sounds I don't feel that this makes me prochoice.  I do not agree with abortion.  I also do not agree with donating embryos to science.  They are lives, that deserve the chance to survive.  Is there a right answer in all of this, I am not sure.  There are a lot of embryos that never get a chance at life, with the way things are currently.  I think that this will stay that way until legislation makes laws against the creation of these embryos, or doctors find a way to not create more than can be used in one cycle.  No matter what, the world of IVF is a scary place.   If you haven't had to make these tough choices about fertility and growing your family, you are in no place to judge someone's choices.  Leave all that to God!  This all is my opinion, that I am free to have on my blog.  You don't have to agree with it.  That is why it is great that we live in America...we are free to have our own opinion!

The Eve of Round Two

I didn't have this blog when we did our first round of in vitro.  It was after it failed that I decided that I wanted to document this journey.  Our first round was in November, and at first seemed like a great success, a near perfect cycle, with only a few glitches.  It started with my period coming a week early, so we had to switch to a ganirelix protocol instead of long lupron, but besides that all seemed to go great.  Follicles grew, and lots of them.  On the day of retrieval we got 22!  The next day the embryologist called, 16 were mature, and 13 fertilized.  We were ecstatic!  Then we went in for the transfer...12 made it to day 3, but none looked great.  The best ones that we had were 8cell grade B.  They looked beautiful to me, but we were told that B- or worse would not survive the freeze.  So we took the two B's that we had and transferred them, and waited a few more days to see what would survive and make it to Blasts.  Three more died off before day 5.  Of the 7 that were left, 3 were failing quickly, and 4 looked like they had the chance to survive freezing.  So we got to freeze 4.  What a roller coaster!  I have high hopes for those 4, especially since retrieval (conception day,) was on the 8th anniversary of my dad passing away.  The two that we transferred didn't make it, so now we are on to round two!
We have decided to do another fresh cycle, because quite frankly...my eggs aren't getting any younger.  With only having 4 frozen, we would have a slim chance of building the size family we want, from them.  So we figured we would do a fresh cycle, hopefully get pregnant, and have more to freeze.  Maybe this will be our last fresh cycle!
We went in for our FDA's today, and I start my Lupron tomorrow.  So far we haven't had any major glitches...except of course my crazy allergies.  Dr wants me to be on heparin and endometrin this time....I looked up the ingredients, and I can't.  I am allergic to some of the ingredients.  So now I am switched back to crinone, and I will try lovenox instead.
So on this eve of round two, I am both excited to get it started, but I am also dreading any bumps that may come up.  I am hopeful, but not quite the same hope I had last time.

Hypothyroidism....Go Figure!

I have been thin my whole life.  When I say thin, I mean underweight.  I have had trouble keeping on weight, and have had to watch what I eat, to make sure I get enough calories.  If I didn't, I would lose weight. 

Several years ago I mentioned to a doctor that I thought I had a thyroid problem.  It runs in my family, and I was having symptoms.  They ran a test and told me that I did not have anything wrong with my thyroid.  I trusted what they said, and didn't think much more about it for a while.  Then the symptoms got worse...and years past.  I mentioned it to another doctor...and again, they said that my test came back normal.  I started researching it, and found that there is a lot more that goes into a thyroid diagnosis, than the test that most doctors use.  And it turns out, my doctors were only running one test, my TSH.

Turns out your TSH can be in the normal range and you still have a problem.  I have thyroid antibodies, and would not have known it, if I didn't push for the test.  I tried to get one doctor to test for antibodies, but when my  TSH was in the normal range, he dismissed my concerns.  So after years of telling doctors that there was a problem, and years of researching on the internet, based on my symptoms alone, I diagnosed myself with Hashimoto's.  Not much I could do for myself, except continue to push doctors for a diagnosis, and treatment....and hope that maybe my TSH would show up abnormal on a test. 

Finally that happened.  I started going to a new doctor.  He tested my TSH and it was borderline, but enough to make him question what was going on.  He then ran an antibody test....and it came back positive!  Yay!  I know most people wouldn't cheer at a medical test coming back abnormal, but when you have been living with symptoms for years, it is pure relief.

Next step....see a thyroid specialist.  Specialists are supposed to know what they are doing in their field....right?  Anyway, at my first appointment with the specialist, I mentioned to her that I thought that I had Hashimoto's, and yet again, I was dismissed.  She said if anything I would have Graves disease, since I was so thin.  I mentioned to her that Graves may seem like the obvious one, but I don't have the symptoms of Graves, I have the symptoms of Hashimoto's.  We discussed my symptoms, and although I had more Hashi symptoms than I did Graves, she still insisted that it was graves!  She tells me that she just wants to monitor me for a few months.

A few months pass, and I go in to see her again.  TSH is high this time, but she neglects to tell me this.  She tells me that I am still borderline, and she wants to monitor it for another eight weeks.  She also officially diagnoses me with Graves.  Eight weeks later, I am tested again.  TSH is still high, and she tells me that it is similar to the last time.  I flip!!!  What do you mean it was over 5 last time!!!!!!  Finally she diagnoses me with Hashimoto's!  Huh!?!?  Isn't that what I said months ago...didn't I tell you that it wasn't Graves?!?!  Oh and by the way, I have mentioned at every visit that we are trying to get pregnant, and we are doing fertility treatments....and you didn't even tell me my TSH was over 5?!?!?

Needless to say, I am more than frustrated with this "specialist."  She misdiagnosed me, she tried to convince me I was wrong, and that she knew my body better than I did.  Yes I am thin...doesn't mean that I have the thyroid disorder that makes me thin!  So what if it is rare to be underweight and have Hashi's!  Oh...and did you know that you Dr Specialist, are probably the reason that my fertility treatments in November failed....thanks for wasting thousands of dollars of our money, and basically killing some of our embryos!

Finally I am being treated for the Hashimoto's that I have known for years that I had.  But I do think that it is time to find a new specialist!!!