One of Those Wow Moments!

I came to a pretty amazing realization yesterday.  As I posted, we had decided to start the adoption process, and since it was something that we had considered for a long time, we knew which route we were thinking of taking.  So when we found out that our FET had failed, we took the plunge, and started asking the agency that we liked most, the questions that we had.  Today we got the last of the answers that we needed before we could make our formal application to this agency.  So we will be filling that out this weekend, and mailing it off next week.  Since we had been corresponding with this agency all week, it got me thinking about how short this process could be, in comparison to how long we have been trying for a baby.  The adoption program that we are looking at typically takes 12-18 months.  So taking that into consideration, with the age child that we are considering adopting, I came to one of those WOW moments.

Our child, more than likely has been conceived and may have even been born recently.  So since realizing this yesterday, I have really been thinking a lot about this child...who will become our child.  I am thinking about a woman who is carrying a baby, and who is having to make the most difficult decision she will ever have to make.  My heart breaks for her, and for the child that she is carrying.  They will soon or may already be separated, possibly for the rest of their lives.  While undergoing all of our fertility treatments, I have really struggled with my faith, and trust in God.  I was often angry, and didn't understand why God would make us go through this.  I really wanted nothing to do with God.  Since we had made the decision to adopt, I have have a peace come over me.  It made the outcome of our FET not only bearable, but also gave me hope.  And now since the realization that I came to yesterday, that our child already exists, I have a new found faith, and I have been praying harder than I have ever prayed before.  I pray for the first mom of our child, that she have peace with the decision that she has to make, and feels comforted by God, knowing that her child will be loved and cherished.  I know that there is know way that she can know this for sure, but I pray that God helps her know it.  My heart will forever be entwined with this woman, that I will never meet.  I pray for the child that she is carrying or has recently given birth to.  I pray that while this child waits for us, he/she is well taken care of and loved by the caregivers.  I pray that there are hugs and kisses when this child is sad or scared.  I pray for the caregivers, and orphanage, that they have the resources that they need to care for our child, and the other children there.  I pray, and pray, and pray, for a child I have not met, a child I do not know, but a child I already am starting to love.  I worry already, even though we are not even close to the end of this process, the thought that our child could be out there, makes me worry. 

My faith is back in a good place.  I am praying a lot, and trusting God like crazy!  I know that a lot can go wrong still, and we have a long road ahead of us, but I am excited about the journey, and can't wait to meet our child.