From Hopeful to Not So Much

We went in on Tuesday for our transfer...and our embryos looked basically the same as last time.  So they transferred an 8B and a 7B+, and told us that we would have to wait till Friday to see how the rest do.  I was really hopeful at that point because out of 10 last time, we ended up with 4 to freeze.  I was figuring that we would end up with at least that many this time, since we had 14 sitting in the lab.  Not so much.  I got the call this morning that we only got 2 to freeze.  I know I should be rejoicing that we got 2.  I am so happy we have those two...incredibly blessed, because we now have 6, but at the same time, I am sick.  I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.  Out of 14....we got 2.  I had a good cry over those 12 that we lost...the ones that really never had a chance, my nonviable embryos.  And now I pray.  I pray for the now 21 embryos that we have lost in this process, I pray for the 6 we have frozen...my little snowflakes, and I pray most of all at this point for the two beautiful embryos that we had transferred a few days ago.  I don't know their fate yet, and I can only be cautiously hopeful that this whole process works this time....That one or both of those beauties survives and thrives.  I am trying my hardest to stay positive, to still have hope, but it is so hard when time after time, we end up with the same outcome.  I need a break, and a glass of wine!  No....I am not going to have one, that would be crazy!  However, if in a week and a half we find out this didn't take, I am going to have both of those!  I have decided that I need a break from the world of infertility, to just enjoy life again.  I can relax and travel a bit, knowing that I have 6 snowflakes waiting, for when we are ready to try again.  As for the wine, you bet during that break, there will be plenty of it!