I found out recently that two children that I used to know (who are now adults,) are both in prison. They are siblings and had a really rough start to life. They were abused and neglected until they were finally taken away. They were then placed in foster care and shuffled around for a while, before they finally found a family to adopt them. That is supposed to be the happy ending, and a fresh start. Instead their adoptive mother should have never been approved to foster, and definitely should not have been able to adopt them. If front of other people she was never loving or affectionate to her new children, but she also gave no indication that she was not giving them the care that they needed and deserved. The older of the two had a hard time with attachment, but was able to, and had a pretty strong bond with me. They were both always small, and skinny children, but seemed healthy.
After a while, the younger child finally told about the hell that they were living at home! She was starving to death, suffering from extreme neglect. They were then taken away from the second home that was supposed to love them forever, and shuffled around the foster care system for several more years. Life was rough for the two of them. When they were put back in foster care, they were now separated. A family could not be found that was willing to take both of them. The only family that had been consistent, the only family that they had left, and the only other person that they had loved their whole lives had been taken away. They not only were put in separate homes, but also were not given visitation, but once in a long while. So with only seeing each other once every few months, and not having any one else to count on...and being shuffled around from home to home their problems only got worse.
The older of the two was extremely smart, and if given the chance, could really do great things. The younger was going to have a rougher time of things. With having additional needs besides not having consistency in home life, just didn't have a chance, without a loving family. Now they didn't even have each other. So they both struggled through their lives in foster care...now alone in the world...no family to guide them, no help, and having only learned about the horrors of the world.
A few more years pass, and the older finally graduates from high school, and goes on to learn a trade. The younger, only a short time behind, also graduates, but with many struggles. In many cases, children who age out of the foster care system, basically are turned out at 18-21 with little belongings, and little money...and really no place to go. These two, having only seen each other a few times over the last few years, really didn't know where each other were, and really at this point were just struggling to survive. They didn't have the means to search for each other, and were just trying to keep their own heads above water.
So with little guidance, no money, and really nothing to build on...what were they to do. They never were taught right from wrong, and actually, they had been treated so poorly in life, that how are they to know what was right. If they went based on how they had been treated, and what others had done to them...well really that is what they learned...and survival was their game.
Now both adults, living alone...one homeless the other with a job and a place to live, struggling, but surviving, time passes. They both are doing okay, now in their early twenties, and their rough childhood catches up with them. Within two months of each other they are both arrested for similar crimes. These crimes were somewhat violent in nature, one significantly more violent than the other, but both major crimes. I found out about both of these crimes by watching the news, and it was sad.
The younger was arrested first, and although sad, I thought that maybe prison would provide consistency, food and housing, things that had not been provided adequately throughout childhood. Then a short time later I saw the news about the older one, and I was saddened that much more. Such intelligence and at one point a kind heart, but never given a chance.
We failed these two. We let these two kids be tortured their entire childhood, don't teach them right from wrong, no consistency, no love, no connections. We toss them around like they don't matter, and then we are shocked when we watch the news and see horrible crimes. I am not saying this is the case in all crimes, but in seeing where these two ended up, I understand. Don't get me wrong, their crimes were horrific, and my heart goes out to the families that were affected. I just ask what else did we expect from these two. Did we really expect them to grow up to be outstanding, law abiding citizens? How could we expect that from them, when we didn't treat them like the outstanding children that they were? It breaks my heart that these two still don't have a chance. Even if they serve their time, and get out, they still don't have a chance. They will simply be turned out, like they were at 18, with few belongings, and little pocket change...but now with a criminal record, making it that much harder to make a life for themselves.
I understand how these two ended up here, and quite frankly, I understand why they committed the crimes that they did. I also understand why people are still able to love a person who has committed a crime. I wasn't close enough to this family to "love" these children, but I did care, and I still do. I worry about their future, and if they will be able to make one for themselves, knowing that the odds are against them. It is just so sad.
Knowing these two and their story makes my yearning to adopt, that much stronger! I know that there are so many children out there who don't have a chance, without a family to love them. I want to give them that chance. Sure part of my reason for adopting is selfish, because I want to be a mom. So much of it though stems from experiences throughout my life like this one. These are the instances that have put the desire to adopt on my heart.
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