The new shared list comes out tomorrow night. We are LID so we could be matched. I am trying to not get my hopes up, because I do know that it is unlikely that we will be matched this soon, but there is a chance. I have to say that I will be shocked if we are, but at the same time I will be disappointed if we are not.
From what I can figure, our agency seems to match 1-5 children per month, with a slight increase on the months that they have children added to their individual list. Also, looking at the data that they send out every month, it seems that there are about 11-15 families "ahead" of us. That doesn't mean that we have to wait until they are all matched before we are. Actually we will probably be matched before many of them, because we are open to a boy. The most recent ratio I have heard is that 1 family is open to a boy for every 6 that request a girl. That means that we are ahead of 1/7 of the people on the list, if a boy comes up. If that is the case, we can divide the number by 7, and if we take the most number of possible people ahead of us, that means that there are 2-3 families ahead of us on the boy lists. Next we look at age, which does limit us quite a bit, since we will only be matched with a child under 2. Then we come to looking at the needs that we are open to, and although we aren't open to severe needs, we are open to quite a few. So there is a good chance that we are first on a few of the lists, and if a child with that need is added to the list, our agency may be able to lock a file for us. Since we are open to a boy, and there being fewer people a head of us on the "boy" lists, if we are matched soon, we will likely be matched with a boy. If it takes a while for us to be matched, we will move further up on the "girl" list, and will have a higher chance of being matched with a girl. Quite honestly, I really hope that we are long matched, before our turn would have come up on the girl list...as it will be several months (4-12 months,) before we would be matched with a girl. I would be very happy with either (even though I have started buying things for a boy.) What I figure is that if we do get a girl, I can donate the boy stuff I have bought, to the orphanage. :) I do have a strong feeling that we have a son in our future though!
Last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that felt so real. I was in China, and the officials were handing me our baby. It was a boy, and he had cleft lip and palate. He was actually a child that I have been praying for, for months. He is a child that is in the care of one of the well known foster homes, and they occasionally post pictures of him. Several months ago, after reading another blogger's post about choosing an orphan and praying for him/her everyday, I decided to choose this child, and pray. I pray that this child will find a family, and if it is God's will, that we be his family. I pray for his current caregivers, and for his birth parents. I pray that this child feels love, and has all of his needs met. I also pray, that if it isn't God's will that we are his family, that our child also is loved and well taken care of while he waits for us to find him.
So anyway, back to the dream. It was the child that I pray for, that I saw being handed to me, in my dream. I know that it is probably because I am excited about the list coming out tomorrow night, and since I pray for this child, and know what he looks like, he is the one that showed up in my dream. But you know how sometimes dreams feel different...this one did. The dream wasn't long. I saw the officials getting out of the car with him, and then came into the building that we were in. I saw him as soon as they came in the room, and then they came towards me and put him in my arms. That was it. I woke up...but when I fell back to sleep, and had another dream. The same child, only older was running around being as cute as can be. We were at home, and had just came home with our third child. It was a girl. She was either biracial or african american. I could see her as clear as can be too. Beautiful child! She was newborn, probably about a week old. I was sitting on the couch, with her next to me. We were having people over to meet her, and our other new little one...remember I said THIRD child. So our first was not more than 3-4 years old, our third was newborn, and our second was a little over a year old. He was a boy and also Asian. He was sitting on my lap facing towards me and sleeping. Both dreams felt so real. They weren't the crazy dreams that don't make sense. This actually all makes sense in what I have thought about with our future plans. I have said to my mom that after we complete this adoption, I may look at agencies that allow you to sign on with both their international program and domestic at the same time. Some agencies don't like doing that for a lot of reasons, but mostly because they don't want people to be matched with a child, and then back out of the adoption, because of another match. We wouldn't though...we would just follow through with both. So my thought was sign on with both programs, and let God show the way. By doing this, we could end up with one child at a time, or two coming home at close to the same time. Either way if fine with us. But that is why this dream made so much sense.
After both dreams, when I woke up, I was a bit sad. I felt like I had spent time with my children, and now I have to wait a while, before I will see them again. I know that sounds crazy to some, but these dreams were similar to the ones that I have where my dad "comes to visit." My dad passed away several years ago, but I have dreams sometimes. We talk and just hang out in these dreams. I love the dreams, because it helps me to still feel very connected to my dad. I miss him a lot, and wouldn't trade having the dreams for anything, even though I am a bit sad when I wake up from them. It is worth it to spend that time with him. I felt the same way this morning when I woke up. I felt like my children came to visit. What makes me happy, is knowing that I am working on "finding" them, and soon enough my house will be filled with them! :)
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