I had heard rumors that the new shared list would be coming out last night, but I didn't want to get my hopes up that we would be matched. Then someone from our agency called me yesterday afternoon, to say that we had a good chance to be matched that night, and to see how set we were on our parameters that we set. She asked if we would look at a referral for a child, if they did not fit what we stated. I told her that she can always have us look at a file, but I can't guarantee that we will feel comfortable to move forward. She said that she would keep it close to what we requested, but will go up to 3 years old. I was a mess the rest of the day, and wasn't expecting a call from her until late last night, if she was able to match us.
When she started to tell me the information about the child, I could tell that he was not close to what we expressed we were comfortable with. I opened the email anyway, and tried to explain to her that I didn't think Hubby would feel comfortable moving forward, but that I would talk it over with him. And talk we did...and prayed, and talked some more! We knew fairly quickly that this child was not ours. It is hard and sad. I know that this child will find his family and fairly quickly. He is adorable, and sounds like he will make a wonderful son, he was just not ours.
I didn't sleep much last night. After we had made our decision, I tried to sleep, but I was a mess. I just wanted to get the phone call over with, having to call our rep from the agency back, to let her know that we had decided to not proceed with the match. I know it sounds like we didn't put forth much thought into this, but we did. Hubby and I agreed that when we started the adoption process, we both had to feel confident that we wanted to move forward and neither of us did. I am okay with stretching ourselves, if a child is somewhat out of the parameters that we had set, but this child was pretty far outside what we felt comfortable with.
So when I finally did make the call this morning, I was met with snippy and somewhat rude. I am hoping that this is because our rep was having a bad day herself and not because we returned this child's file. It made me feel pretty uneasy and concerned about our future with our agency. I thought about it for a little while, and decided to email a few questions. I have not heard back from our agency yet, but I am hoping to hear some answers soon.
So the last 48 hours or so have been rough. As much as I know that this child was not ours, it doesn't make it easy to return the file. I pray now for this child, that his family finds him quickly.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Monday, March 25, 2013
I had a Dream Last Night
The new shared list comes out tomorrow night. We are LID so we could be matched. I am trying to not get my hopes up, because I do know that it is unlikely that we will be matched this soon, but there is a chance. I have to say that I will be shocked if we are, but at the same time I will be disappointed if we are not.
From what I can figure, our agency seems to match 1-5 children per month, with a slight increase on the months that they have children added to their individual list. Also, looking at the data that they send out every month, it seems that there are about 11-15 families "ahead" of us. That doesn't mean that we have to wait until they are all matched before we are. Actually we will probably be matched before many of them, because we are open to a boy. The most recent ratio I have heard is that 1 family is open to a boy for every 6 that request a girl. That means that we are ahead of 1/7 of the people on the list, if a boy comes up. If that is the case, we can divide the number by 7, and if we take the most number of possible people ahead of us, that means that there are 2-3 families ahead of us on the boy lists. Next we look at age, which does limit us quite a bit, since we will only be matched with a child under 2. Then we come to looking at the needs that we are open to, and although we aren't open to severe needs, we are open to quite a few. So there is a good chance that we are first on a few of the lists, and if a child with that need is added to the list, our agency may be able to lock a file for us. Since we are open to a boy, and there being fewer people a head of us on the "boy" lists, if we are matched soon, we will likely be matched with a boy. If it takes a while for us to be matched, we will move further up on the "girl" list, and will have a higher chance of being matched with a girl. Quite honestly, I really hope that we are long matched, before our turn would have come up on the girl list...as it will be several months (4-12 months,) before we would be matched with a girl. I would be very happy with either (even though I have started buying things for a boy.) What I figure is that if we do get a girl, I can donate the boy stuff I have bought, to the orphanage. :) I do have a strong feeling that we have a son in our future though!
Last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that felt so real. I was in China, and the officials were handing me our baby. It was a boy, and he had cleft lip and palate. He was actually a child that I have been praying for, for months. He is a child that is in the care of one of the well known foster homes, and they occasionally post pictures of him. Several months ago, after reading another blogger's post about choosing an orphan and praying for him/her everyday, I decided to choose this child, and pray. I pray that this child will find a family, and if it is God's will, that we be his family. I pray for his current caregivers, and for his birth parents. I pray that this child feels love, and has all of his needs met. I also pray, that if it isn't God's will that we are his family, that our child also is loved and well taken care of while he waits for us to find him.
So anyway, back to the dream. It was the child that I pray for, that I saw being handed to me, in my dream. I know that it is probably because I am excited about the list coming out tomorrow night, and since I pray for this child, and know what he looks like, he is the one that showed up in my dream. But you know how sometimes dreams feel different...this one did. The dream wasn't long. I saw the officials getting out of the car with him, and then came into the building that we were in. I saw him as soon as they came in the room, and then they came towards me and put him in my arms. That was it. I woke up...but when I fell back to sleep, and had another dream. The same child, only older was running around being as cute as can be. We were at home, and had just came home with our third child. It was a girl. She was either biracial or african american. I could see her as clear as can be too. Beautiful child! She was newborn, probably about a week old. I was sitting on the couch, with her next to me. We were having people over to meet her, and our other new little one...remember I said THIRD child. So our first was not more than 3-4 years old, our third was newborn, and our second was a little over a year old. He was a boy and also Asian. He was sitting on my lap facing towards me and sleeping. Both dreams felt so real. They weren't the crazy dreams that don't make sense. This actually all makes sense in what I have thought about with our future plans. I have said to my mom that after we complete this adoption, I may look at agencies that allow you to sign on with both their international program and domestic at the same time. Some agencies don't like doing that for a lot of reasons, but mostly because they don't want people to be matched with a child, and then back out of the adoption, because of another match. We wouldn't though...we would just follow through with both. So my thought was sign on with both programs, and let God show the way. By doing this, we could end up with one child at a time, or two coming home at close to the same time. Either way if fine with us. But that is why this dream made so much sense.
After both dreams, when I woke up, I was a bit sad. I felt like I had spent time with my children, and now I have to wait a while, before I will see them again. I know that sounds crazy to some, but these dreams were similar to the ones that I have where my dad "comes to visit." My dad passed away several years ago, but I have dreams sometimes. We talk and just hang out in these dreams. I love the dreams, because it helps me to still feel very connected to my dad. I miss him a lot, and wouldn't trade having the dreams for anything, even though I am a bit sad when I wake up from them. It is worth it to spend that time with him. I felt the same way this morning when I woke up. I felt like my children came to visit. What makes me happy, is knowing that I am working on "finding" them, and soon enough my house will be filled with them! :)
From what I can figure, our agency seems to match 1-5 children per month, with a slight increase on the months that they have children added to their individual list. Also, looking at the data that they send out every month, it seems that there are about 11-15 families "ahead" of us. That doesn't mean that we have to wait until they are all matched before we are. Actually we will probably be matched before many of them, because we are open to a boy. The most recent ratio I have heard is that 1 family is open to a boy for every 6 that request a girl. That means that we are ahead of 1/7 of the people on the list, if a boy comes up. If that is the case, we can divide the number by 7, and if we take the most number of possible people ahead of us, that means that there are 2-3 families ahead of us on the boy lists. Next we look at age, which does limit us quite a bit, since we will only be matched with a child under 2. Then we come to looking at the needs that we are open to, and although we aren't open to severe needs, we are open to quite a few. So there is a good chance that we are first on a few of the lists, and if a child with that need is added to the list, our agency may be able to lock a file for us. Since we are open to a boy, and there being fewer people a head of us on the "boy" lists, if we are matched soon, we will likely be matched with a boy. If it takes a while for us to be matched, we will move further up on the "girl" list, and will have a higher chance of being matched with a girl. Quite honestly, I really hope that we are long matched, before our turn would have come up on the girl list...as it will be several months (4-12 months,) before we would be matched with a girl. I would be very happy with either (even though I have started buying things for a boy.) What I figure is that if we do get a girl, I can donate the boy stuff I have bought, to the orphanage. :) I do have a strong feeling that we have a son in our future though!
Last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that felt so real. I was in China, and the officials were handing me our baby. It was a boy, and he had cleft lip and palate. He was actually a child that I have been praying for, for months. He is a child that is in the care of one of the well known foster homes, and they occasionally post pictures of him. Several months ago, after reading another blogger's post about choosing an orphan and praying for him/her everyday, I decided to choose this child, and pray. I pray that this child will find a family, and if it is God's will, that we be his family. I pray for his current caregivers, and for his birth parents. I pray that this child feels love, and has all of his needs met. I also pray, that if it isn't God's will that we are his family, that our child also is loved and well taken care of while he waits for us to find him.
So anyway, back to the dream. It was the child that I pray for, that I saw being handed to me, in my dream. I know that it is probably because I am excited about the list coming out tomorrow night, and since I pray for this child, and know what he looks like, he is the one that showed up in my dream. But you know how sometimes dreams feel different...this one did. The dream wasn't long. I saw the officials getting out of the car with him, and then came into the building that we were in. I saw him as soon as they came in the room, and then they came towards me and put him in my arms. That was it. I woke up...but when I fell back to sleep, and had another dream. The same child, only older was running around being as cute as can be. We were at home, and had just came home with our third child. It was a girl. She was either biracial or african american. I could see her as clear as can be too. Beautiful child! She was newborn, probably about a week old. I was sitting on the couch, with her next to me. We were having people over to meet her, and our other new little one...remember I said THIRD child. So our first was not more than 3-4 years old, our third was newborn, and our second was a little over a year old. He was a boy and also Asian. He was sitting on my lap facing towards me and sleeping. Both dreams felt so real. They weren't the crazy dreams that don't make sense. This actually all makes sense in what I have thought about with our future plans. I have said to my mom that after we complete this adoption, I may look at agencies that allow you to sign on with both their international program and domestic at the same time. Some agencies don't like doing that for a lot of reasons, but mostly because they don't want people to be matched with a child, and then back out of the adoption, because of another match. We wouldn't though...we would just follow through with both. So my thought was sign on with both programs, and let God show the way. By doing this, we could end up with one child at a time, or two coming home at close to the same time. Either way if fine with us. But that is why this dream made so much sense.
After both dreams, when I woke up, I was a bit sad. I felt like I had spent time with my children, and now I have to wait a while, before I will see them again. I know that sounds crazy to some, but these dreams were similar to the ones that I have where my dad "comes to visit." My dad passed away several years ago, but I have dreams sometimes. We talk and just hang out in these dreams. I love the dreams, because it helps me to still feel very connected to my dad. I miss him a lot, and wouldn't trade having the dreams for anything, even though I am a bit sad when I wake up from them. It is worth it to spend that time with him. I felt the same way this morning when I woke up. I felt like my children came to visit. What makes me happy, is knowing that I am working on "finding" them, and soon enough my house will be filled with them! :)
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Understanding
I found out recently that two children that I used to know (who are now adults,) are both in prison. They are siblings and had a really rough start to life. They were abused and neglected until they were finally taken away. They were then placed in foster care and shuffled around for a while, before they finally found a family to adopt them. That is supposed to be the happy ending, and a fresh start. Instead their adoptive mother should have never been approved to foster, and definitely should not have been able to adopt them. If front of other people she was never loving or affectionate to her new children, but she also gave no indication that she was not giving them the care that they needed and deserved. The older of the two had a hard time with attachment, but was able to, and had a pretty strong bond with me. They were both always small, and skinny children, but seemed healthy.
After a while, the younger child finally told about the hell that they were living at home! She was starving to death, suffering from extreme neglect. They were then taken away from the second home that was supposed to love them forever, and shuffled around the foster care system for several more years. Life was rough for the two of them. When they were put back in foster care, they were now separated. A family could not be found that was willing to take both of them. The only family that had been consistent, the only family that they had left, and the only other person that they had loved their whole lives had been taken away. They not only were put in separate homes, but also were not given visitation, but once in a long while. So with only seeing each other once every few months, and not having any one else to count on...and being shuffled around from home to home their problems only got worse.
The older of the two was extremely smart, and if given the chance, could really do great things. The younger was going to have a rougher time of things. With having additional needs besides not having consistency in home life, just didn't have a chance, without a loving family. Now they didn't even have each other. So they both struggled through their lives in foster care...now alone in the world...no family to guide them, no help, and having only learned about the horrors of the world.
A few more years pass, and the older finally graduates from high school, and goes on to learn a trade. The younger, only a short time behind, also graduates, but with many struggles. In many cases, children who age out of the foster care system, basically are turned out at 18-21 with little belongings, and little money...and really no place to go. These two, having only seen each other a few times over the last few years, really didn't know where each other were, and really at this point were just struggling to survive. They didn't have the means to search for each other, and were just trying to keep their own heads above water.
So with little guidance, no money, and really nothing to build on...what were they to do. They never were taught right from wrong, and actually, they had been treated so poorly in life, that how are they to know what was right. If they went based on how they had been treated, and what others had done to them...well really that is what they learned...and survival was their game.
Now both adults, living alone...one homeless the other with a job and a place to live, struggling, but surviving, time passes. They both are doing okay, now in their early twenties, and their rough childhood catches up with them. Within two months of each other they are both arrested for similar crimes. These crimes were somewhat violent in nature, one significantly more violent than the other, but both major crimes. I found out about both of these crimes by watching the news, and it was sad.
The younger was arrested first, and although sad, I thought that maybe prison would provide consistency, food and housing, things that had not been provided adequately throughout childhood. Then a short time later I saw the news about the older one, and I was saddened that much more. Such intelligence and at one point a kind heart, but never given a chance.
We failed these two. We let these two kids be tortured their entire childhood, don't teach them right from wrong, no consistency, no love, no connections. We toss them around like they don't matter, and then we are shocked when we watch the news and see horrible crimes. I am not saying this is the case in all crimes, but in seeing where these two ended up, I understand. Don't get me wrong, their crimes were horrific, and my heart goes out to the families that were affected. I just ask what else did we expect from these two. Did we really expect them to grow up to be outstanding, law abiding citizens? How could we expect that from them, when we didn't treat them like the outstanding children that they were? It breaks my heart that these two still don't have a chance. Even if they serve their time, and get out, they still don't have a chance. They will simply be turned out, like they were at 18, with few belongings, and little pocket change...but now with a criminal record, making it that much harder to make a life for themselves.
I understand how these two ended up here, and quite frankly, I understand why they committed the crimes that they did. I also understand why people are still able to love a person who has committed a crime. I wasn't close enough to this family to "love" these children, but I did care, and I still do. I worry about their future, and if they will be able to make one for themselves, knowing that the odds are against them. It is just so sad.
Knowing these two and their story makes my yearning to adopt, that much stronger! I know that there are so many children out there who don't have a chance, without a family to love them. I want to give them that chance. Sure part of my reason for adopting is selfish, because I want to be a mom. So much of it though stems from experiences throughout my life like this one. These are the instances that have put the desire to adopt on my heart.
After a while, the younger child finally told about the hell that they were living at home! She was starving to death, suffering from extreme neglect. They were then taken away from the second home that was supposed to love them forever, and shuffled around the foster care system for several more years. Life was rough for the two of them. When they were put back in foster care, they were now separated. A family could not be found that was willing to take both of them. The only family that had been consistent, the only family that they had left, and the only other person that they had loved their whole lives had been taken away. They not only were put in separate homes, but also were not given visitation, but once in a long while. So with only seeing each other once every few months, and not having any one else to count on...and being shuffled around from home to home their problems only got worse.
The older of the two was extremely smart, and if given the chance, could really do great things. The younger was going to have a rougher time of things. With having additional needs besides not having consistency in home life, just didn't have a chance, without a loving family. Now they didn't even have each other. So they both struggled through their lives in foster care...now alone in the world...no family to guide them, no help, and having only learned about the horrors of the world.
A few more years pass, and the older finally graduates from high school, and goes on to learn a trade. The younger, only a short time behind, also graduates, but with many struggles. In many cases, children who age out of the foster care system, basically are turned out at 18-21 with little belongings, and little money...and really no place to go. These two, having only seen each other a few times over the last few years, really didn't know where each other were, and really at this point were just struggling to survive. They didn't have the means to search for each other, and were just trying to keep their own heads above water.
So with little guidance, no money, and really nothing to build on...what were they to do. They never were taught right from wrong, and actually, they had been treated so poorly in life, that how are they to know what was right. If they went based on how they had been treated, and what others had done to them...well really that is what they learned...and survival was their game.
Now both adults, living alone...one homeless the other with a job and a place to live, struggling, but surviving, time passes. They both are doing okay, now in their early twenties, and their rough childhood catches up with them. Within two months of each other they are both arrested for similar crimes. These crimes were somewhat violent in nature, one significantly more violent than the other, but both major crimes. I found out about both of these crimes by watching the news, and it was sad.
The younger was arrested first, and although sad, I thought that maybe prison would provide consistency, food and housing, things that had not been provided adequately throughout childhood. Then a short time later I saw the news about the older one, and I was saddened that much more. Such intelligence and at one point a kind heart, but never given a chance.
We failed these two. We let these two kids be tortured their entire childhood, don't teach them right from wrong, no consistency, no love, no connections. We toss them around like they don't matter, and then we are shocked when we watch the news and see horrible crimes. I am not saying this is the case in all crimes, but in seeing where these two ended up, I understand. Don't get me wrong, their crimes were horrific, and my heart goes out to the families that were affected. I just ask what else did we expect from these two. Did we really expect them to grow up to be outstanding, law abiding citizens? How could we expect that from them, when we didn't treat them like the outstanding children that they were? It breaks my heart that these two still don't have a chance. Even if they serve their time, and get out, they still don't have a chance. They will simply be turned out, like they were at 18, with few belongings, and little pocket change...but now with a criminal record, making it that much harder to make a life for themselves.
I understand how these two ended up here, and quite frankly, I understand why they committed the crimes that they did. I also understand why people are still able to love a person who has committed a crime. I wasn't close enough to this family to "love" these children, but I did care, and I still do. I worry about their future, and if they will be able to make one for themselves, knowing that the odds are against them. It is just so sad.
Knowing these two and their story makes my yearning to adopt, that much stronger! I know that there are so many children out there who don't have a chance, without a family to love them. I want to give them that chance. Sure part of my reason for adopting is selfish, because I want to be a mom. So much of it though stems from experiences throughout my life like this one. These are the instances that have put the desire to adopt on my heart.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
LID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got an email from our agency today and we are LID!!!! We were DTC on February 1st, and LID on February 25th, and notified today! What an awesome feeling! We now can be matched with a child at any point. We also are now eligible to be matched with a child that has a LID only designation. Hopefully we will be hearing some good news from our agency soon! So excited!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Technically We are Eligible
The new list of children available for adoption in the waiting child program in China, is coming out tonight. Our paperwork went to China on February 1st. That is such a huge step and the next step to come after that is LID (means log in date or logged in documents.) We have not heard from our agency that we have been logged in. :( Most people that I have talked to who had their documents sent to China before Chinese New Year, have already received word from their agencies that they have been logged in. I have been on pins and needles all day, hoping for an email from our agency, saying that we are logged in, so that we would be eligible to be matched from tonight's list. I did not hear from the agency. This doesn't mean that we are totally out of it though. We could still be matched with a child that is starting out as a special focus child. What this usually means is that the child has either been waiting on the list for more than 2-3 months, or China feels that the child's needs will make them harder to place or match. Some times, a child will start out with a special focus label, because he is a boy. To be matched with a special focus child, a family does not need a LID. So...technically we could be matched tonight. I am not holding my breath. I don't think that it is likely to happen, but it could. I am nervous, and excited. I am leaving this in God's ball park, and if it is meant to happen tonight, so that we have the child He has chosen for us, it will happen. If we don't get the call, then I trust God's plan.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Awesome Coupons
Yesterday I went shopping and had my first ever 100% savings. For anyone who isn't a couponer, what that means is I went shopping and left the store having paid nothing...$0.00. I have had good deals before and gotten a lot of items free, but I always ended up paying something out of pocket, usually because I had to buy other things like milk, which I don't often have a coupon for. This time I had coupons for everything in my cart, and ended up with 7 items, which amounted to about $30 in products. And my total after they took off my coupons was $0.00. I was super excited!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Big Decisions
My hubby and I had a long talk last Saturday. After having our consultation with one of the best IVF doctors in the world, I was pretty set on doing another IVF, and freezing all of the embryos until after we were home with our baby from China. Hubby was pretty up in the air about it. He was worried about the finances. I was too, but I do feel like this would be our best chance at having a genetic child in the future. Genetics aren't everything, and I am really comfortable with some or all of our children not having our genes, and hubby is too. We just really want a larger family, and feel like what ever way gets us to that point, is fine with us. We just want to be able to support all the children that we have. So if we did IVF again, and it worked, it would be cheaper than adopting all of our children, but if it didn't, it would put us that much further in debt.
So we had a long conversation, and I realized that what is most important to me, is that I have children, or at least a child. I could live the rest of my life, happy as can be, without even having given birth, and without having a genetic child. What really matters is hearing someone call me mom. Sure it would be nice to see what the combination of my genes with my husbands would be like...but I don't NEED it. It would be nice to feel a baby kick, or to experience a pregnancy, and to have a baby from before birth, knowing he/she is ours in a way that no one can ever take away. But those are things that I can live without. I cannot imagine my life with never having the chance to be a mom.
Adoption was always something that I planned to do in addition to giving birth. I always imagined that I would have a child or two the natural way, and then adopt a few, and just see where our family went from there. So adoption was never something that I had to get used to the idea, or that I had to choose as a second choice (as many people see it.) I have always wanted to adopt. I just never thought that I would do it instead of giving birth. But in our conversation on Saturday, I realized that I was wanting to do another IVF because it is what I thought would make hubby happy, and after the conversation, I realized that I am getting my greatest wish...to be a mom. I really don't need to go through all that again, to try to make something work...that just doesn't! Why put my body through that....why go through the emotional hurricane of IVF...if I don't have to.
I am not saying that we will never do IVF again, because I am positive that we will. How do I know that, well we still have four snowflake babies, that we will transfer at some point. And I can't say that we will never to a fresh cycle again...or that we won't adopt embryos, or get donor eggs. I guess what I am saying is that we have decided to not go through with a cycle in April. We will finish our adoption, hopefully this year, and then go from there. If we try with my eggs again, and the embryos don't result in babies, then we will think about where to go from there. I love the idea of completing our family with adoption, or embryo adoption, but if my husband wants to try an egg donor, that option is still there too.
I have to say though, that all day on Saturday, after we had come to that decision, I was walking a little lighter. I knew that financially we will be better off, and no matter what, I was going to be a mom. So finish the adoption and go from there. If you have read my previous posts, you know that I am a planner. I need a plan to function, so this whole not having a set plan has made me a bit nervous, but it is so nice to just know that we have lots of options, and we can decide between them all later.
I am struggling with the fact that we have found a great doctor...one of the best, and have no made the decision to possibly not try an IVF with him, but when I start to worry about that, I remind myself of what is important, and that is being a mom...not having and IVF be successful. So even if we never do an IVF with this great doctor...I will be a mom!!! I love saying that. I love looking at baby things, and starting a registry, and wondering what my child is doing right now. I pray everyday for my child, and his birth family...and pretty much everyone involved in orphan care in China.
I have to say that I have found peace. While I was going through fertility treatments, I was going through a bit of a spiritual dry spell. I couldn't feel God close to me, or comforting me. It was hard. I would try praying, and felt nothing...I got to the point where I pretty much gave up on God, and I felt like He gave up on me. Now, I feel Him close again. I am finding that I can pray again, and feel like He is leading me again. After our conversation on Saturday, I told God that I am leaving this in His hands, and will follow where he wants me to go. If that means our family is built through adoption only, I accept that, and won't fight Him on it anymore. If it means one child, so be it, I will listen to where He leads, and do my best to follow. Things feel right again, no longer strained and struggling. I am at peace and am just looking forward to God leading us to our child, and bringing him home.
Our next step is meeting with pediatricians and finding one who works with families who adopt internationally. I have my first meeting tomorrow with one that I have heard great things about. I have written a list of questions to ask, and hopefully I will like the answers, and be able to go with her...if not, I need to try to find another doctor fairly close by, who knows what they are doing with children adopted from China. Another big step will hopefully be checked off my list tomorrow!
So we had a long conversation, and I realized that what is most important to me, is that I have children, or at least a child. I could live the rest of my life, happy as can be, without even having given birth, and without having a genetic child. What really matters is hearing someone call me mom. Sure it would be nice to see what the combination of my genes with my husbands would be like...but I don't NEED it. It would be nice to feel a baby kick, or to experience a pregnancy, and to have a baby from before birth, knowing he/she is ours in a way that no one can ever take away. But those are things that I can live without. I cannot imagine my life with never having the chance to be a mom.
Adoption was always something that I planned to do in addition to giving birth. I always imagined that I would have a child or two the natural way, and then adopt a few, and just see where our family went from there. So adoption was never something that I had to get used to the idea, or that I had to choose as a second choice (as many people see it.) I have always wanted to adopt. I just never thought that I would do it instead of giving birth. But in our conversation on Saturday, I realized that I was wanting to do another IVF because it is what I thought would make hubby happy, and after the conversation, I realized that I am getting my greatest wish...to be a mom. I really don't need to go through all that again, to try to make something work...that just doesn't! Why put my body through that....why go through the emotional hurricane of IVF...if I don't have to.
I am not saying that we will never do IVF again, because I am positive that we will. How do I know that, well we still have four snowflake babies, that we will transfer at some point. And I can't say that we will never to a fresh cycle again...or that we won't adopt embryos, or get donor eggs. I guess what I am saying is that we have decided to not go through with a cycle in April. We will finish our adoption, hopefully this year, and then go from there. If we try with my eggs again, and the embryos don't result in babies, then we will think about where to go from there. I love the idea of completing our family with adoption, or embryo adoption, but if my husband wants to try an egg donor, that option is still there too.
I have to say though, that all day on Saturday, after we had come to that decision, I was walking a little lighter. I knew that financially we will be better off, and no matter what, I was going to be a mom. So finish the adoption and go from there. If you have read my previous posts, you know that I am a planner. I need a plan to function, so this whole not having a set plan has made me a bit nervous, but it is so nice to just know that we have lots of options, and we can decide between them all later.
I am struggling with the fact that we have found a great doctor...one of the best, and have no made the decision to possibly not try an IVF with him, but when I start to worry about that, I remind myself of what is important, and that is being a mom...not having and IVF be successful. So even if we never do an IVF with this great doctor...I will be a mom!!! I love saying that. I love looking at baby things, and starting a registry, and wondering what my child is doing right now. I pray everyday for my child, and his birth family...and pretty much everyone involved in orphan care in China.
I have to say that I have found peace. While I was going through fertility treatments, I was going through a bit of a spiritual dry spell. I couldn't feel God close to me, or comforting me. It was hard. I would try praying, and felt nothing...I got to the point where I pretty much gave up on God, and I felt like He gave up on me. Now, I feel Him close again. I am finding that I can pray again, and feel like He is leading me again. After our conversation on Saturday, I told God that I am leaving this in His hands, and will follow where he wants me to go. If that means our family is built through adoption only, I accept that, and won't fight Him on it anymore. If it means one child, so be it, I will listen to where He leads, and do my best to follow. Things feel right again, no longer strained and struggling. I am at peace and am just looking forward to God leading us to our child, and bringing him home.
Our next step is meeting with pediatricians and finding one who works with families who adopt internationally. I have my first meeting tomorrow with one that I have heard great things about. I have written a list of questions to ask, and hopefully I will like the answers, and be able to go with her...if not, I need to try to find another doctor fairly close by, who knows what they are doing with children adopted from China. Another big step will hopefully be checked off my list tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Soon to be DTC
This morning, I brought all of the paperwork for our dossier, to our agency. It was such a relief to not only have it all finished, but also out of my hands. With Chinese New Year being soon, we will have to wait a bit longer than usual for our LID, but we will be DTC on Friday. It has been a tough eight months to get to this point. We have had several bumps in the road with our paperwork, but it is finished!!! Now I have to get an email sent to the person who runs the waiting child program, at our agency. She needs some information from us, so that she knows what we are comfortable with, so she can match us with a child whom we feel that we will be able to parent successfully. I am so looking forward to sending her the email, and being in future contact with her. This is such an exciting time, to know that our child is out there, and it is just a matter of time before we find him. I have had butterflies since last Friday, when all of our paperwork came back from the consulate. I couldn't wait until I dropped it off with the agency. I kept having worrisome thoughts that something would happen to it....something would spill on it, it would catch of fire, I would lose it, I even had a dream that my husband shredded the whole packet of paperwork. So leaving it at the agency this morning was such a great feeling. We are officially "paper pregnant," "expectant parents," and "in the waiting stage." I have been walking on cloud nine all day!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Third One's the Charm!
Today was our long awaited appointment with our new fertility doctor (the third doctor that we have been to.) I had done my research, and before deciding on this doctor, I had narrowed it down to a few...all out of state. So we would have to travel to do IVF, but all of the doctors that I had narrowed it down to, were some of the best in the world. I kept looking at the doctors in our area, and just didn't see any doctors that had the expertise to deal with the complex case that we seem to be...so I looked elsewhere...and had it narrowed down to 4. One thing that played a major part in choosing the ones that we narrowed it down to, was that we have family, or work near 3 out of the 4 doctors that were on the list...meaning that the cost to travel for a cycle was drastically decreased. All were reasonably priced with the exception of the one that we know no one near...they are just that great, so they stayed on the list. Anyway...So we narrowed it down to 4. Once we were in the final stages of choosing one of the four, I got an email, saying that one of the four doctors was moving not only to our state, but to an office only a half hour away. He is one of the best doctors in the world...and has made great advances in the world of IVF. Well...I have to say, that made the choice for us! I mean, one of the best doctors moves into an office so close, there was no question about it. So we set up our free consultation...which we had today. I wrote out detailed information about our medical history, and past IVFs. We met with this doctor for about a half hour...but really he could pretty much tell me to jump and I would say how high. I highly respect him, and without having met him, totally trust him. I have been researching him like crazy and there is no doubt in my mind that if anyone will be able to get us pregnant...it will be him! Basically, I have resigned myself to that if it doesn't work with him, it just isn't going to work for us.
We got to the office this morning, a little early to get paperwork in order. As we sat in the waiting room, the doctor walks in. He says hello, and we do also. I notice that he is wearing a nice white shiny shirt...like really, it was shiny! He has this presence about him, that I just get a kick out of. He isn't arrogant, although he knows that he is one of the best in the world. We didn't feel like we were in a high pressure sales pitch, but again, I think it is because he isn't hurting for patients...he states the facts and you can take it or leave it. I have to say, I do feel like I was a bit star struck after having read so much about this doctor, and how great he is...and then not only finally getting to meet him, but now I get to be a patient!
So anyway, the doctor walks in for our consult and after reading the detailed information that I wrote out, told me that he could tell me what our problem has been thus far, and he knows how to fix it. He explained some tests that he wanted to run..some of which I could not convince our last doctor to run...and then stated that he feels that we are AN EASY CASE!!!!! Us....easy! WOW! He feels that with proper treatment we can be pregnant within a couple of cycles...and yeah he said realistically it could take a few cycles...but if we stick with him, we have a 90% chance that he could get me pregnant!!! Those are some odds that are in our favor...I like those odds!!! Well...then I burst his bubble..and told him that we are adopting. He pretty much said that he doesn't see it as necessary in our case. I mentioned that some people don't do it out of necessity, they really just want to! So I did then let him know that we are not willing to transfer embryos while we are in the process, but we are not closed to the idea of banking some embryos. So he jumped on that, and started talking April.
We got our paperwork in order, and had blood drawn, and set things up to do our next cycle in April! Ahhhhh!!!! Crazy to be jumping on this roller coaster again, but I do feel emotionally ready. Plus we aren't transferring any embryos, so I won't have the devastation, if it fails.
So a summary of what we learned today: he thinks that the bulk of our problems have been immunological, and improper stimulation. He thinks that the tests that he ran today will answer the immunological questions, and he thinks that we can make some pretty embryos. He said that with the amount of eggs that I produce, I shouldn't have quality issues, and should still be able to make a comparable amount of embryos, and have several to freeze!
I am super excited but yet so scared at the same time. I feel like it is worth the shot with this doctor, but at the same time, if it doesn't work, I don't think that it ever will.
As for our adoption, we are almost one step closer. We have our birth certificates ready to go. All we have to do is wait for our documents to come back from the consulate and then I can bring them to the agency to be shipped off to China. I am really hoping that we will be DTC by the end of the month. So excited. We should be LID before the list comes out in February. I know it isn't likely that we will be matched the first month, but it will be so nice to have that be a possibility. I am so super excited!
We got to the office this morning, a little early to get paperwork in order. As we sat in the waiting room, the doctor walks in. He says hello, and we do also. I notice that he is wearing a nice white shiny shirt...like really, it was shiny! He has this presence about him, that I just get a kick out of. He isn't arrogant, although he knows that he is one of the best in the world. We didn't feel like we were in a high pressure sales pitch, but again, I think it is because he isn't hurting for patients...he states the facts and you can take it or leave it. I have to say, I do feel like I was a bit star struck after having read so much about this doctor, and how great he is...and then not only finally getting to meet him, but now I get to be a patient!
So anyway, the doctor walks in for our consult and after reading the detailed information that I wrote out, told me that he could tell me what our problem has been thus far, and he knows how to fix it. He explained some tests that he wanted to run..some of which I could not convince our last doctor to run...and then stated that he feels that we are AN EASY CASE!!!!! Us....easy! WOW! He feels that with proper treatment we can be pregnant within a couple of cycles...and yeah he said realistically it could take a few cycles...but if we stick with him, we have a 90% chance that he could get me pregnant!!! Those are some odds that are in our favor...I like those odds!!! Well...then I burst his bubble..and told him that we are adopting. He pretty much said that he doesn't see it as necessary in our case. I mentioned that some people don't do it out of necessity, they really just want to! So I did then let him know that we are not willing to transfer embryos while we are in the process, but we are not closed to the idea of banking some embryos. So he jumped on that, and started talking April.
We got our paperwork in order, and had blood drawn, and set things up to do our next cycle in April! Ahhhhh!!!! Crazy to be jumping on this roller coaster again, but I do feel emotionally ready. Plus we aren't transferring any embryos, so I won't have the devastation, if it fails.
So a summary of what we learned today: he thinks that the bulk of our problems have been immunological, and improper stimulation. He thinks that the tests that he ran today will answer the immunological questions, and he thinks that we can make some pretty embryos. He said that with the amount of eggs that I produce, I shouldn't have quality issues, and should still be able to make a comparable amount of embryos, and have several to freeze!
I am super excited but yet so scared at the same time. I feel like it is worth the shot with this doctor, but at the same time, if it doesn't work, I don't think that it ever will.
As for our adoption, we are almost one step closer. We have our birth certificates ready to go. All we have to do is wait for our documents to come back from the consulate and then I can bring them to the agency to be shipped off to China. I am really hoping that we will be DTC by the end of the month. So excited. We should be LID before the list comes out in February. I know it isn't likely that we will be matched the first month, but it will be so nice to have that be a possibility. I am so super excited!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Merry First Christmas Baby!
We know that more than likely our child was born this year. That means that my baby is somewhere in China, having his or her first Christmas. Luckily he (or she) is young enough that he won't remember having spent today, without the love of his parents. I am really hoping that it is not void of love though. I really hope that the Ayis love my baby, and dote on him. I hope that he is in a good orphanage, where he gets more than enough to eat, and when he is scared or bumps his head, or just needs extra hugs and snuggles, that there is an Ayi there who loves him. Most orphanages in China, do not celebrate Christmas, from what I understand, so he is most likely not celebrating today, no extra toys or clothes that are just his own. At his age though, I don't think it bothers him to have to share his clothes...the toys, depending on how old he is, well he might mind a little.
My hope is that by his next Christmas, he will be home with us, with more gifts under the tree than one can imagine, surrounded by not only a mom and dad that so want him, and love him more than humanly possible, but also surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and more!
Although it has been a tough week with the adoption paperwork, the thought of seeing his smile on Christmas morning, and seeing this child grow up, it makes me stronger and able to push forward with the paperwork. (Hopefully later this week, when things calm down from Christmas, I can share what made this week so tough!)
So until we have you home with us baby, I hope your Christmas and every other holiday is filled with love and laughter. I wish you hugs and snuggles and someone to rock you to sleep. I hope you are warm this winter, and I pray for a full belly for you and all of the other children who you live with. I pray for peace for your birth family, with the difficult decision that they had to make. And I pray that God leads me to you soon, and that next Christmas we are together! Merry Christmas Baby!
My hope is that by his next Christmas, he will be home with us, with more gifts under the tree than one can imagine, surrounded by not only a mom and dad that so want him, and love him more than humanly possible, but also surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and more!
Although it has been a tough week with the adoption paperwork, the thought of seeing his smile on Christmas morning, and seeing this child grow up, it makes me stronger and able to push forward with the paperwork. (Hopefully later this week, when things calm down from Christmas, I can share what made this week so tough!)
So until we have you home with us baby, I hope your Christmas and every other holiday is filled with love and laughter. I wish you hugs and snuggles and someone to rock you to sleep. I hope you are warm this winter, and I pray for a full belly for you and all of the other children who you live with. I pray for peace for your birth family, with the difficult decision that they had to make. And I pray that God leads me to you soon, and that next Christmas we are together! Merry Christmas Baby!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Dino Lingo Video in Mandarin Chinese
I am at it again. I just tried out a video on YouTube, in hopes of earning one for free. I watched the clip that was posted in Chinese, since we will be bringing home our little one from China sometime next year.
The video was cute, and I think it was fairly well made. It was entertaining enough that it would hold a child's attention, and educate at the same time. I watched the Mandarin video, and then the one in Irish, just for fun.
Here is the link to the Chinese video, but if you are interested in any other videos, you can get to the other languages from there too!
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjdI9bp5-Ys&feature=BFa&list=PLlBlltNtETtTjhsO8ERGRcYz5uj8IaLaJ
Company Website: http://dinolingo.com/languages/chinese.html#.UL0_HYbsLaE
No matter what language you are looking for (because they have quite a few to choose from,) Dino Lingo is an awesome language learning programs for kids!
As always, when I am trying new things for free, I viewed this clip complimentary through Influenster!
The video was cute, and I think it was fairly well made. It was entertaining enough that it would hold a child's attention, and educate at the same time. I watched the Mandarin video, and then the one in Irish, just for fun.
Here is the link to the Chinese video, but if you are interested in any other videos, you can get to the other languages from there too!
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjdI9bp5-Ys&feature=BFa&list=PLlBlltNtETtTjhsO8ERGRcYz5uj8IaLaJ
Company Website: http://dinolingo.com/languages/chinese.html#.UL0_HYbsLaE
No matter what language you are looking for (because they have quite a few to choose from,) Dino Lingo is an awesome language learning programs for kids!
As always, when I am trying new things for free, I viewed this clip complimentary through Influenster!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
It is What It is
That is my new motto. That is what I tell myself, when things don't go the way they should. And it is what is keeping me calm right now. We sent off my birth certificate for all of the crazy stuff that has to happen to it for our dossier...and it came back today with nothing done...with a letter saying we need to send it back to them with the required fee. The only problem with this, is when I called to ask about where to send it, and if there was a fee, I was told "No." I also searched the website, and it also stated that there was no fee for this step of the process. The next step, yes, but this one no. So, this not only has cost us two weeks, but my birth certificate will "expire" by the time that we send it out and have everything done to it...so why bother. So I instead thought ahead two weeks ago...in case something like this happened...and ordered a new copy of my birth certificate, and it should be here any day now, and then we can start the crazy process over, and hopefully have it back in time to get everything authenticated by the end of December or beginning of January.
On a positive note, I am excited to say that I think we have figured out where we are going with our infertility. There is a great new doctor that will be starting at a local fertility clinic. I am hoping to meet with him, and get his opinion on what he would do if we tried IVF again. I also will ask him if he would be willing to do a freeze all IVF for us, so that we have embryos to transfer after we are home with our first child. We also got the notice in the mail that our USCIS paperwork has been received, and we should be getting notice soon about when our fingerprinting appointment is, so although still moving at a snail pace, we are moving forward!
On a positive note, I am excited to say that I think we have figured out where we are going with our infertility. There is a great new doctor that will be starting at a local fertility clinic. I am hoping to meet with him, and get his opinion on what he would do if we tried IVF again. I also will ask him if he would be willing to do a freeze all IVF for us, so that we have embryos to transfer after we are home with our first child. We also got the notice in the mail that our USCIS paperwork has been received, and we should be getting notice soon about when our fingerprinting appointment is, so although still moving at a snail pace, we are moving forward!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
I Wish Things Were the Way They Used to Be
Yesterday I stopped at a store on my way to a class that I was taking. As I pulled into the spot, a woman was coming out of the store, and rushing toward her car, which happened to be parked next to the space that I pulled into. I was about to get out of my car, as she motioned to me to roll down my window. I thought that she was going to ask me directions, but instead she asked if I knew of any other churches around the area besides the two she mentioned. I listed off a few churches that I knew about. She said that she already had gone there. She then proceeded to tell me a bit of her story. She has two children who she is fighting to get back from the foster care system. She got teary eyed as she talked about them, and I could tell that she really loves them. She mentioned that her hearing to get her kids back was this week, and she lost her job two weeks ago, and her power had been shut off. She paid the bill to have the power turned back on, but there was a reactivation fee of $50 that she doesn't have...and without it, she can't get her kids back. She said that she had been going to every church that she could think of, to ask for help. She listed them all off. My heart broke for her, but I was leery at the same time. This woman seemed to have her act together. She seemed educated, and was not intoxicated or high. She didn't have the look of a meth head, and generally seemed like a nice person. She didn't ask me for money, like some of the other beggars that we have in the area. There are a few that frequent the parking lots near where we live.
It just got me thinking about how the way that things used to be. You used to know your neighbors and be able to count on them when a family hit a rough patch. Communities used to pull together to help each other and really cared. Nowadays, people don't know their neighbors, and heck...many don't even know their family. I couldn't tell you the names of my neighbors, and I don't think that I would recognize most of them if I saw them out some where. If something major happened to one of my neighbors, I don't know if I would even know about it, and if I did, I don't know if I would feel comfortable enough to go offer my help. Even my church community is so large that people can come and go, and no one would ever even notice. In fact when my father passed away, no one from my church "family" was there to help. It really showed how the church is failing. The same rang true for this woman I ran into. She tried her church, and was told to fill out a form, and was sent away. I understand that there has to be a paper trail, and they need to keep track of where the money is going. However, at the same time, where are people's hearts? Money is tight for so many, but if this was a different time, I would have invited this woman to my house, and served her a warm cup of tea. I would have called my friends and family and asked them to pitch in, and raised the $50 that she needed. I would have also sent her home with some extra things that I had around, because that would be the right thing to do, and I would hope that the same would be done for me, when times were rough. Instead, I was leery. I wondered if there really were any children. I wondered if the money she would get would really go to pay her electric bill. I had to question if she was telling me the truth, or if the money would be used for drugs and alcohol. These are things I will never know the answer to, but I couldn't do nothing. I had to help in some way. So I pulled $20 out of my wallet, and told her that was all I could spare, and that I hoped that she would be able to get the other $30. The look of gratitude on this woman's face was priceless.
As we said our goodbyes, and she drove off, I said a prayer. I prayed that her getting her children back is the right thing for them. I prayed that she was able to get the additional $30 that she needed, and that the money was really going towards what she said she needed. I prayed that if she was pulling my leg, that she would find God, and he would help her recover from her struggles. I have been saying prayers for this woman since.
I wish that things were the way they used to be though. I wish I knew my neighbors. I wish that my church was like the one I went to as a child...small and everyone cared about each other, everyone mattered! I wish that I could help others and not have to question if people were being honest. I really think that I would give more, if I could trust that my money was going where it was supposed to...right to the ones that need it. There are so many scams, and so many people trying to take advantage of others. I just wish that being nice and giving to others was still safe. In this day and age, being nice to someone, can put you in danger. It just sucks that doing the right thing is just not always safe anymore...and I wish it was!
It just got me thinking about how the way that things used to be. You used to know your neighbors and be able to count on them when a family hit a rough patch. Communities used to pull together to help each other and really cared. Nowadays, people don't know their neighbors, and heck...many don't even know their family. I couldn't tell you the names of my neighbors, and I don't think that I would recognize most of them if I saw them out some where. If something major happened to one of my neighbors, I don't know if I would even know about it, and if I did, I don't know if I would feel comfortable enough to go offer my help. Even my church community is so large that people can come and go, and no one would ever even notice. In fact when my father passed away, no one from my church "family" was there to help. It really showed how the church is failing. The same rang true for this woman I ran into. She tried her church, and was told to fill out a form, and was sent away. I understand that there has to be a paper trail, and they need to keep track of where the money is going. However, at the same time, where are people's hearts? Money is tight for so many, but if this was a different time, I would have invited this woman to my house, and served her a warm cup of tea. I would have called my friends and family and asked them to pitch in, and raised the $50 that she needed. I would have also sent her home with some extra things that I had around, because that would be the right thing to do, and I would hope that the same would be done for me, when times were rough. Instead, I was leery. I wondered if there really were any children. I wondered if the money she would get would really go to pay her electric bill. I had to question if she was telling me the truth, or if the money would be used for drugs and alcohol. These are things I will never know the answer to, but I couldn't do nothing. I had to help in some way. So I pulled $20 out of my wallet, and told her that was all I could spare, and that I hoped that she would be able to get the other $30. The look of gratitude on this woman's face was priceless.
As we said our goodbyes, and she drove off, I said a prayer. I prayed that her getting her children back is the right thing for them. I prayed that she was able to get the additional $30 that she needed, and that the money was really going towards what she said she needed. I prayed that if she was pulling my leg, that she would find God, and he would help her recover from her struggles. I have been saying prayers for this woman since.
I wish that things were the way they used to be though. I wish I knew my neighbors. I wish that my church was like the one I went to as a child...small and everyone cared about each other, everyone mattered! I wish that I could help others and not have to question if people were being honest. I really think that I would give more, if I could trust that my money was going where it was supposed to...right to the ones that need it. There are so many scams, and so many people trying to take advantage of others. I just wish that being nice and giving to others was still safe. In this day and age, being nice to someone, can put you in danger. It just sucks that doing the right thing is just not always safe anymore...and I wish it was!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Remembering
Nine years ago today, my father passed away. It is hard to believe that it has been nine years. It seems so long ago, but it seems like yesterday. I miss my dad everyday, and I don't think that will ever go away. Sure you find a new normal, and you get used to him not being around...but life would really be different if he was still here with us...and I miss him.
Also, a year ago today, we had our first egg retrieval. The first of our embryos was created, and we were so excited and hopeful...and here we are a year later, still with no baby. At least, since we have started the adoption process, we are pretty sure that by this day, next year we will have a little one in our arms.
Also, a year ago today, we had our first egg retrieval. The first of our embryos was created, and we were so excited and hopeful...and here we are a year later, still with no baby. At least, since we have started the adoption process, we are pretty sure that by this day, next year we will have a little one in our arms.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Bumpy Road
Infertility SUCKS! It really sucks the life out of a person. I am not the same person that I was three years ago. You always hear the saying, "What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger." I really hope that is the truth and I will come out of this a stronger person. Last week was really rough. I finally got a hold of someone at my doctor's office to give us our test results from August...only she didn't have them, or know what they mean. She said that she would talk to the doctor, and get back to us. This gave us the impression that some tests that we paid out of pocket for (insurance denied coverage,) were not run, and there was a mistake made. I was stressed over this all week long, because it appeared that they ran the wrong test, and since we paid out of pocket, it seemed that unless we were able to convince them that this was their mistake, we were probably going to be out a ton of money, with still no answers. I put off dealing with this though because I was dealing with adoption stuff.
So yeah infertility sucks....but adoption is no picnic either! I didn't think that it would be an easy process when we started it. I was prepared for some bumps in the road...but I really thought that the paperwork would be the easy part. Boy was I wrong! Hubby and I were both born in a different state than where we currently live. I ordered our birth certificates early on in the process, to make sure that I gave it plenty of time to get to us. Turns out that they sent us the wrong one, of hubby's, and now we have to order new ones...only the process can take upto 8 weeks...meaning that my birth certificate could potentially "expire," soon after that. So it would be an incredible time crunch to get our paperwork authenticated by the 6 month mark on not only my birth certificate, but also a few other documents that I got soon after. So I still have to send out my birth certificate to get state certified, but I now have figured that it is worth the extra $60 to spend now, to get new copies in case they do expire, we won't have to start fresh. I am okay with doing that, if it potentially saves us time in the long run. My worry is if we don't get all of this completed fast enough, other documents will have to be redone...some that aren't so easy to get. I am trying to not worry about that until we have to cross that bridge, but it really does give me a head ache just thinking that could happen.
So last week, when I was finding out about the "mix-up" at the doctor's office, I was also trying to figure out how to send our birth certificates out for state certification. Every state has a different process, with different fees, and different steps. Some states, you send it to the state with a fee and they just do it...nice and easy! We weren't so lucky. The state Hubby was born in, you cannot pre-order birth certificates, you must order them and have them directly forwarded to the next office, and then the next and after all three processes are completed they will mail it back to you...or at least that is what we think is supposed to happen. 5 out of the 6 phone numbers on their website are no longer in service...so it was tough to get straight answers on what we needed to do. For the state I was born in, we have to send my certificate that we ordered, if it didn't come with a county seal, to the county...luckily it did. Then once we got it back, we need to send it out to another office so that they can verify that the county seal was legitimate. Then it can be sent on to the state at that point. And again...each step has it's own set of fees. So it sounds like I know what I am talking about at this point...but it took several phone calls, emails, web searches, talking to our social worker, talking to people in both states...before we think that we finally have this all figured out.
We also are waiting on child abuse clearances for my husband from other states that he has lived in, before our home study can be completed. Our social worker's last day in the office was today, before she leaves on vacation. She wanted to get it finalized today, so that we wouldn't have to wait until she gets back from her trip, to start our next step...but the clearances didn't come. Hopefully they will come while she is gone, so that we can have our home study completed next week. So that added to the stress, because not only were we waiting on those coming in, but hubby and I needed to finish our required training, in case they did come in, so that wouldn't hold things up. We had finished all but one of our on-line courses, but Hubby was leaving on a business trip on Friday morning, and it can take up to 2 days for the certificate for the course to be issued, so we had to do it Thursday evening...only, he had to work late, and pack, and so...it added a ton of stress. We did get it finished, and we did get the certificate, so that I was able to forward all of our certificates to our social worker...only now the clearances still didn't come in, so the rush to get the course done, wasn't necessary. Oh well...at least it is finished!!!
Talk about a stressful week though! We also had a few other personal family things going on to add to the stress, and so by this past weekend, I was wiped out and didn't feel well. I really hope that this bumpy road starts to smooth out a bit, otherwise I am not sure I will survive this process! I just keep focusing on the end game...at the end of all this a baby will be placed in my arms, and we will have the child that we have been hoping and waiting for. It will all be worth it!
So yeah infertility sucks....but adoption is no picnic either! I didn't think that it would be an easy process when we started it. I was prepared for some bumps in the road...but I really thought that the paperwork would be the easy part. Boy was I wrong! Hubby and I were both born in a different state than where we currently live. I ordered our birth certificates early on in the process, to make sure that I gave it plenty of time to get to us. Turns out that they sent us the wrong one, of hubby's, and now we have to order new ones...only the process can take upto 8 weeks...meaning that my birth certificate could potentially "expire," soon after that. So it would be an incredible time crunch to get our paperwork authenticated by the 6 month mark on not only my birth certificate, but also a few other documents that I got soon after. So I still have to send out my birth certificate to get state certified, but I now have figured that it is worth the extra $60 to spend now, to get new copies in case they do expire, we won't have to start fresh. I am okay with doing that, if it potentially saves us time in the long run. My worry is if we don't get all of this completed fast enough, other documents will have to be redone...some that aren't so easy to get. I am trying to not worry about that until we have to cross that bridge, but it really does give me a head ache just thinking that could happen.
So last week, when I was finding out about the "mix-up" at the doctor's office, I was also trying to figure out how to send our birth certificates out for state certification. Every state has a different process, with different fees, and different steps. Some states, you send it to the state with a fee and they just do it...nice and easy! We weren't so lucky. The state Hubby was born in, you cannot pre-order birth certificates, you must order them and have them directly forwarded to the next office, and then the next and after all three processes are completed they will mail it back to you...or at least that is what we think is supposed to happen. 5 out of the 6 phone numbers on their website are no longer in service...so it was tough to get straight answers on what we needed to do. For the state I was born in, we have to send my certificate that we ordered, if it didn't come with a county seal, to the county...luckily it did. Then once we got it back, we need to send it out to another office so that they can verify that the county seal was legitimate. Then it can be sent on to the state at that point. And again...each step has it's own set of fees. So it sounds like I know what I am talking about at this point...but it took several phone calls, emails, web searches, talking to our social worker, talking to people in both states...before we think that we finally have this all figured out.
We also are waiting on child abuse clearances for my husband from other states that he has lived in, before our home study can be completed. Our social worker's last day in the office was today, before she leaves on vacation. She wanted to get it finalized today, so that we wouldn't have to wait until she gets back from her trip, to start our next step...but the clearances didn't come. Hopefully they will come while she is gone, so that we can have our home study completed next week. So that added to the stress, because not only were we waiting on those coming in, but hubby and I needed to finish our required training, in case they did come in, so that wouldn't hold things up. We had finished all but one of our on-line courses, but Hubby was leaving on a business trip on Friday morning, and it can take up to 2 days for the certificate for the course to be issued, so we had to do it Thursday evening...only, he had to work late, and pack, and so...it added a ton of stress. We did get it finished, and we did get the certificate, so that I was able to forward all of our certificates to our social worker...only now the clearances still didn't come in, so the rush to get the course done, wasn't necessary. Oh well...at least it is finished!!!
Talk about a stressful week though! We also had a few other personal family things going on to add to the stress, and so by this past weekend, I was wiped out and didn't feel well. I really hope that this bumpy road starts to smooth out a bit, otherwise I am not sure I will survive this process! I just keep focusing on the end game...at the end of all this a baby will be placed in my arms, and we will have the child that we have been hoping and waiting for. It will all be worth it!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
LypSyl Intense Protection LypMoisturizer
I received this product complimentary through Influenster! I received several products in the box to test, and out of all of the products, this was by far, my favorite!!! It went on smooth, and lasted for hours. It didn't leave a sticky residue either. Some brands of lip balm leave a residue, or feel really sticky. This one felt great, and had a mild mint flavor that wasn't over powering. I am pretty picky about my lip balm, and I have to say this one is great. I will be looking for more when I go to the store, but you know me with my coupons, hopefully at some point I will be able to buy some with coupons. If not, this may have to be one of the items that I splurge on! Here is the link to the website, in case you want to check it out:
http://www.lypsylhome.com/
http://www.lypsylhome.com/
The Original™ Dish Drying Mat
First off, I received this product complimentary through Influenster. As I said in my last post, I signed up to be a product tester. This product is awesome. It takes up very little space, and is very convenient. The normal draining boards for dishes, take up so much space, and usually have a hole in the bottom so it can drain into the sink. The problem with this is that if you don't want it to hang over the sink, it leaves a big puddle on the counter. The Original dish drying mat is better in so many ways. For one, if I am not drying dishes, it easily folds up and can be stored in the towel drawer. It can absorb so much water, but will quickly dry, and is easy to wash. No more counter space taken up by a big clunky plastic draining board!
Here is the link to the website for this product, in case you want to check it out!
http://www.the-original-co.com/default.html
Here is the link to the website for this product, in case you want to check it out!
http://www.the-original-co.com/default.html
So Many Hobbies...so I add another!
I signed up to be a product tester with Influenster. I received my first box of goodies/products to test. Blog posts are not mandatory, but I can win some cool prizes if I blog about the ones I like. So while I wait for our next step in our adoption/family building journey, I might as well fill the time with trying out some cool products. I got my first box a while back, and have had a chance to try the products. So my next few posts will be about the products that I liked. I figured not only will I have a chance to win more of these products, but I can tell others about them, so they can try them out and love them too!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Home Visit...Check!
We checked another big step off the list today. Our social worker came to our house for the home visit. It went really well, and a lot faster than I thought! The home study meetings were a breeze compared to what I was expecting. We will soon be an official homestudy approved family! I am very excited to be finished with this part of the adoption process. Now I just need to concentrate on finishing our required training, and getting some of the other paperwork for our dossier. So exciting, but so busy and stressful at the same time!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Moving On
We finally have our last form that we needed, to start the actual Home Study process. We were waiting for our doctor to fill out our medical info. He did it a few weeks ago, and my husband picked it up. When he got home with it, I realized that the doctor did not fill it out correctly. So we took the information that he wrote on it, and typed it up. Hubby then brought it back to the doctor, explaining what needed to be fixed. I called last week, to see if it was done....nope! So yesterday I text the doctor to ask when he would have it finished, and he basically said, thanks for the reminder...but I got an email this morning, that he would have it for us today. I picked it up, and it was finished and it was right! So now I just have to print off our autobiographies, and financial information. I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday with a doctor that is near the adoption agency's office. So I am going to stop by there, to drop off our packet and maybe set up our first meeting with our social worker.
On a side note, I asked at the doctors office today, about the other tests that we had run a few weeks ago. I wanted to know when they were expected to be in...well they checked...and they were in. Don't know when they came back, and why we didn't get a phone call to discuss the results, but the nurse is supposed to call tomorrow. If she doesn't, I will call on Friday and make an appointment for next week. I really want to know the results. The tests were expensive and they will determine for sure whether we attempt IVF again with our eggs/sperm...or if we should move on to other routes. I have been researching embryo adoption, and feel that would be an awesome choice for us, but we will have to wait and see what the results say.
On a side note, I asked at the doctors office today, about the other tests that we had run a few weeks ago. I wanted to know when they were expected to be in...well they checked...and they were in. Don't know when they came back, and why we didn't get a phone call to discuss the results, but the nurse is supposed to call tomorrow. If she doesn't, I will call on Friday and make an appointment for next week. I really want to know the results. The tests were expensive and they will determine for sure whether we attempt IVF again with our eggs/sperm...or if we should move on to other routes. I have been researching embryo adoption, and feel that would be an awesome choice for us, but we will have to wait and see what the results say.
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