No Such Thing as..."Just Adopt"

If I had a dollar for every time someone told an infertile person, they should "Just Adopt," I could afford to not only do all the fertility treatments I could want, but I could also....Just adopt!

The approximate cost of a round of IVF at the fertility clinic we go to is around $13,000 (including medication.)
The approximate cost of an international adoption including travel, can range from $20,000 to about $60,000.
The cost of domestic newborn adoption starts around $5,000 to about $40,000.
You do the math...how many IVFs can be done for the cost of one adoption?

There is one type of adoption that you can do for very little cost...foster to adopt, or through the state adoption.  In our state, they aren't even accepting people for the waiting list for children under 10 in the foster to adopt program. 

I used to think that adoption was the solution to our infertility.  Fill out some paperwork, meet with some social workers, pay some money, wait a little while (less time than we have been waiting with infertility,) and then we would get a baby.  The tides of adoption have changed in the last 5-10 years though.  Yes, there are still many orphans in the world.  But what many people don't realize is that many orphans are not eligible for adoption.  Countries have closed their international adoption programs, or have quotas while trying to promote domestic adoption.  Wait times have skyrocketed for international adoption.  Families wanting to adopt from China who sign up now, can expect to wait 10 years.  The world of international adoption was never easy, but if you stuck with it, you could be pretty sure you would have a child by the end of the process.

As for domestic adoption, there really are no guarantees.  In many situations, the birth mother chooses who adopts her child.  Potential adoptive parents make a profile, and hope that a mother picks them quickly.  Sometimes that happens, and sometimes.....the wait goes on forever.  Another issue is that the birth mother can change her mind up until parental rights have been terminated.  The law varies by state when this actually occurs.  So there are many times where a birth mother chooses to parent, leaving the potential adoptive parents heartbroken! 

I know I have over simplified the adoption process here.  I am not trying to down play the process, but I wanted to bring up how unpredictable it has become, and how expensive it really can be, making it a sometimes tough decision to start the process.

"Just Adopt," is not an easy thing to do!  When looking at the cost and the fact that there are no guarantees, it is more enticing for some to continue fertility treatments. 

Yes, there are also no guarantees with fertility treatments, but statistics show that about 85% of couples who do IVF get pregnant within three tries.  I now understand the draw of continuing to try for a child through fertility treatments.  I also can understand how much of a strain infertility can be and why some couples decide to give up on the dream of a child or make other difficult decisions like moving on to donors, or adoption. 

So the next time you have the urge to tell someone to "Just Adopt," remember, you are not in their shoes, and you are not having to make the decisions that they are.  What is the right decision for one family, is not the right one for another. 

Gold's Gym

Gold's Gym is an unethical company.  I highly discourage anyone from signing up to be a customer with them.  They lose paperwork, and blame customers for their mistakes.  Please anyone considering joining, do your research before signing up with them.  Don't end up in the same boat I am, they are trying to ruin my credit, even though I closed my membership six months ago.  Please be careful when dealing with them!